50 Signs You're Dating a Basic Bitch
Courting Disaster is Jackalope Ranch's weekly column of dating horror stories, observations, how-tos, and more by Katie Johnson. Names of ex-boyfriends, past hookups, and bad blind dates have been changed to protect the guilty.
Paramount Pictures For the record, Audrey Hepburn is not a basic bitch. But basic bitches love her.
By now you've probably heard about the basic bitch. (Oh you haven't? Better watch this Funny or Die PSA). The basic bitch is hardly something we women aspire to be -- though, in truth, we do cross into basic territory every once in a blue moon (case in point, drinking Blue Moon). But there are definitely some pros for any guy who wants to date one.
Pro: She's loyal, albeit bordering on needy.
Pro: She's malleable, like silly putty or tofu. If you're looking for a predictable sidekick to live out your cookie cutter existence with, the basic bitch is your girl.
Con: She's basic.
Here are 50 signs that you are dating the most vanilla girl in the Valley.
50. Her casual outfits suggest she doesn't know where she's going. The beach? Antarctica? How else do you explain Ugg boots, denim shorts, and a hoodie?
49. She loves Starbucks. She loves it so much that she knows the baristas by name, and they know her.
48. She's obsessed with Paris, even if she's never been. Next time you're at her apartment look for something French: an Eiffel tower, a generic poster, a copy of French Women Don't Get Fat. It's there.
47. She owns a cowboy hat, cowboy hats, or at the very least listens to Taylor Swift.
46. She's all about yoga. She wear the pants. She talks about the classes. She just never goes.