Steve Wiley: Five Reasons Not to Have Kids

Categories: Fun

Steve Wiley is Jackalope Ranch's Parent Hood. He's a slightly unorthodox father of five who weighs in weekly with his mildly rebellious views and observations. If you'd like to see how he came to write this column, watch the intro video. This week he attempts to talk you out of being a parent

Crying Baby

You Sure You Want to Have Kids?

If you have read this blog before, then you know that overall being a parent is the most important role in my (and most parents') life. Over the past four months, I've tried to elaborate on all the great emotions, lessons, and rewards of being a Dad.

But that doesn't mean you should do it.

After expanding on "I Love You" in last week's post (Parenting Three Words at a Time), I got to thinking, "Man, you are a sappy bastard." Even though I stand behind every word of it, I then thought, "You could easily write a Parent Hood list of all the annoying stuff that goes with parenthood."

So without further ado, here it is. Five reasons you should think twice before becoming a parent:

See also:
- Parent Hood: Steve Wiley Has Fun with "When I Was Just A Kid"
- Parent Hood: Five Realities of Being a Parent

Five Reasons to Think Twice About Being a Parent

5. Your energy will be gone.

Kids are like energy vampires. They've got so much of the stuff that you think they wouldn't need all of yours ... but they are greedy like that (amongst a thousand other things) and they are going to suck all the energy out of you too.

As a single guy, or as a kidless couple, after you done a hard day's work you can come home and kick back and chill. You have to feed yourself, but you can at least show some patience with it. Not the case with your yard apes. The little rascals want food, love, and attention -- and they want it now -- regardless of whether or not you are "up to it".

This is especially true for the first 18 years or so. (I bet you thought I'd say five years or something like that, eh?)

4. Your extra time will be gone.

Even if you had any energy left, your schedule will be so overwhelmed with pick-ups, drop-offs, practices, and the ever-popular birthday parties (if I had a dollar for every birthday party) that it wouldn't matter.

You want your kids to have a good social life and lots of activities, so there's no way around it. My wife and I basically negotiate doing things away from them, or we'd be around kids about 100 percent of our non-work time.

"Oh it's my turn for free time? I'll be taking a nap."

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66rock topcommenter

Very funny and very true!  Thank you for that.


Wife just e-mailed me - both kids have outgrown their 6 week old sneakers - with one now needing a size 11 (adult).  What were you saying about spending money?

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