The 15 Best One-Liners of Louis C.K.
6. My body has no sexual meaning anymore, so if I can make people laugh with it, at least it's being used.
5. There are two types of people in this world; People who say they pee in the shower, and dirty fucking liars.
4. I wake up covered with three kinds of shame glaze just covering my body.
3. You can figure out how bad a person you are by how soon after September 11th you masturbated, like how long you waited... and for me it was between the two buildings going down... I had to do it, otherwise they'd win.
2. Here's the difference to me between boys and girls; boys fuck things up and girls are fucked up.
1. You got to be optimistic to be single. Stupid. You have to be stupid. That's what optimistic means, you know? It means stupid.