The 13 Best One-Liners of William Shatner

Categories: Geekery

When William Shatner talks, people tend to listen. Not just to make fun of his tendency to deliver dialogue in hammy fashion, mind you, but also because the erstwhile captain of TV's USS Enterprise has a penchant for amusing and self-aggrandizing quips.

Shatner's famous for his galaxy-sized ego as much as his legendary stint as James T. Kirk, which means whenever the 81-year-old gets quotes, he's generally dispensing some arrogance-laced bon mot about his legacy or sexual prowess with the opposite sex (green-skinned or otherwise). In honor of the Canadian-born actor bringing his one-man show Shatner's World to the Mesa Arts Center this weekend -- which is guaranteed to be filled with plenty of funny dialogue -- we've put together a baker's dozen of his most amusing or overblown quips.

See also:
- Nine Reasons Why William Shatner is a Badass
- Comicon Announces 2012 Guests and William Shatner is One of Them

13. The World According to Shatner
"You have to create your life. You have to carve it, like a sculpture."

12. Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places
"I live in California, but I was raised in Montreal. And yes, I've gone where no man has gone before, but I was in Mexico and her father gave me permission!"

william shatner mesa arts center guns.jpg
11. Jim Dandy
"We were basically one and the same, although Jim [Kirk] was just about perfect, and, of course, I am perfect.

10. Dropping Trou with Dignity
"If you make a fool of yourself, you can do it with dignity, without taking your pants down. And if you do take your pants down, you can still do it with dignity."

9. Gotta Get Paid Somehow
"Captain Kirk has been a source of pleasure and income for a long time. You'd be surprised how much work a guy can pick up doing stag parties and working his phaser."

8. Forever Young
"How do I stay so healthy and boyishly handsome? It's simple. I drink the blood of young runaways."

7. Shatner, 1. Trekkies, 0.
"I'd just like to say...GET A LIFE, will you people!?! I mean, for crying out loud, it's just a TV show! I mean, look at you, look at the way you're dressed. You've turned an enjoyable little job, that I did as a lark for a few years, into a colossal waste of time!"

Location Info


Mesa Arts Center

1 E. Main St., Mesa, AZ

Category: General

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Shatner made one of the cheesiest sci-fi movies ever in Bisbee - Groom Lake. Not quite Ed Wood quality, but close. It was so bad it went direct to video. The story is that he was originally going to film it in Douglas, but stopped at the Bisbee Food Co-op in Lowell to take a leak, liked what he saw and changed the location. My wife and I attended the world premiere of Groom lake at the Gadsden Hotel in Douglas. Five bucks got a good seat and a bowl of popcorn in front of a wide-screen TV. The great Shatner did not attend.. 

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