Seven Things Steve Wiley Should Have Grown out of by Now

Steve Wiley is Jackalope Ranch's Parent Hood. He's a slightly unorthodox father of five who will weigh in weekly with his mildly-rebellious views and observations. If you'd like to see how he came to write this column, watch the intro video. This week he admits to a few things he should have grown out of by now ... and probably never will.

Common theory would be that I have spent my last 25 years in record stores because I love music. It's unequivocally true, music is way up the ladder of loves for me. But the very close, second-place motivational factor to forging a career as the Record Store Geek (my other "persona," because God forbid I could just write as Steve Wiley) was the ability to carry on like a teenager.

The music industry does have some adults, but those are the record company suits that have been fucking it up for years. The really passionate ones -- the ones that found rock and roll and all its delicious trappings in their youth and then had a hard time growing out of it (other than the musicians, who are the ultimate dream-chasers) -- are the record store geeks like me.

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When we closed Hoodlums in September, there was probably some hope among some of my loved ones that I'd turn away from my extended childhood and get a real job. But it turns out the prolonged phase had nothing to do with the record store, or the music industry. The phase was me. Instead of growing up, I found another job that would allow me to carry on my stunted growth: Writing.

So why not celebrate this realization in this week's Parent Hood? Presenting: "Seven Things I Should Have Grown Out of By Now".

7. Dressing like a teenager.
By far the most phenomenal thing about working in record stores was the ability to dress the way I want -- just like when I was a teenager. T-shirts, jeans, sneakers, and shorts are comfortable. Suits, slacks, button-up shirts, and dress shoes are not. When mentally factoring in my "compensation package" as a record store owner/manager, I added on about $5K per year just to not have to wear uncomfortable clothes.

6. Eating peanut butter from the jar.
There was a period in my 20s when I didn't eat peanut butter at all. I'd burned out on it during my tween and teenage years, but the burn out didn't last long once the kids showed up. A snip here and a snip there, and the next thing you know I'm having a party with the whole jar (and honey or jelly ... you didn't think I was eating it straight, did you?). See also: ice cream from the carton.

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