Laurie Notaro's eBay-Inspired Holiday Gift Guide for Your "Unusual" Friends and Family

Laurie Notaro is an author, crafter, and expert at finding a good cocktail. She grew up in Phoenix, but is currently based in Eugene, Oregon. Each week, she'll be joining us to share a crafting adventure, draw a flowchart, or remember a few of her favorite things about Phoenix. Today, she shares a few special finds on eBay that could easily be given to that special someone in your close social circle this holiday season.

deaddrunksquirrel.jpg
ebay.com
Everyone's holiday list has someone on it that is impossible to buy for, but imagine if you had a tweaker, Neo-Nazi or sex offender for a close relative! Try looking for those categories on Amazon's sidebar! No dice, mi amigo, no dice.

Therefore, I present to you a handy gift guide for those hard-to buy for everyone on your list who's living off the grid or on the fringe. But should something strike your fancy, move on it quickly, because the only thing more common on eBay is people in their basements selling their dead grandmas stuff is the pool of regrets the minute after you lose an auction to NikNakNut (12337).

See also:
- Laurie Notaro Writes a Handy Manual for Her Husband ... In Case She Dies Before He Does
- Laurie Notaro: Toss the Book You Have in Your Purse and Read These Instead
- Six Words Laurie Notaro Demands People Stop Using Right Now

Drunk Dead Squirrel
Seriously, if you want a squirrel, it's better to have a dead one. I have squirrels all around my house, and they pee on my deck, leave messes wherever they go and I am fairly to completely certain they carry a variety of diseases that will cause brain fungus, liquidation of the lungs and some nasty GI malfunctions. Even if you had a dead one, however, after handling, tickling, fake feeding, dressing or petting, I would still wash my hands or gently give them a tap with a blow torch before eating, brushing my teeth, or picking a chunk of apple from the cavity in between a crown and a real tooth.

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ebay.com
A Vibrator That Belonged To Someone Who Is Now Dead
Chances are, anyway.
Yes. I am thinking the worst about this item, but if you look at the lady receiving the benefits of this vibrator in the manual, you really can't say that I'm wrong. There is something more than joy in those eyes. And after all this time, it still runs well! It's just a little squeaky, and needs a couple of brushes, perhaps an alcohol dip and a burning desire to push the limits of good taste before being fired up again. It even comes with its own case, which is a detail you don't see too much in the aisles of Castle Boutique nowadays.
Perfect for any chunky woman who already has the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy, a velvet corset, describes herself as "curious," and has taken a stab at writing her own internet porn.

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