Three Gifts That Won't Be in My Kids' Christmas Stockings

Steve Wiley is Jackalope Ranch's Parent Hood. He's a slightly unorthodox father of five who will weigh in weekly with his mildly-rebellious views and observations. Wiley has spent the past 25 years managing and owning Valley record stores, including the past 14 at his beloved Hoodlums Music. If you'd like to see how he came to write this column, watch the video.


As you may have heard, uh, had jammed down your throat all weekend, the holiday season is upon us.

Hmmm. Holiday. That doesn't sound right. Maybe I should just drop the pretenses and call it what it's become: The Shopping Season. Especially this year.

It's not that we aren't a hilarious bunch of consumer goofs all year round, but when you see stores start opening on Thanksgiving (leave it to the Evil Empire, Wal-mart, to turn it into Greed Thursday), you know we've finally decided to scrap the formalities and go for our consumption black belts.

See also:
- Steve Wiley on The New Samsung Galaxy Commercials, Hipster Oracles, and Why He's Still Keeping His iPhone
- Our 8 Favorite Nerds in Honor of Arizona PBS' Nerd Walk This Weekend

Hoka Hey, it is what it is. Although I'm really proud to say that I didn't go to one store all weekend, let alone Thanksgiving Day, it's not like I'm against presents or anything. Like all giant children, I love presents.

But not all presents. As a parent, I still have to (get to?) make buying decisions based on my philosophy. With that in mind, here's three things we WON'T be buying for our kids this year.

3. The Breast-feeding Doll.

Just in case you haven't heard this year's toy psuedo-controversy, it's this little doll that simulates breast-feeding for your daughter (or son, I guess, if you are looking for to raise a really empathetic future father). As expected it's stirred up a bit of debate online (and, one might guess, in actual conversations between real people).

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not emotionally involved in the debate, and I don't have anything against breast-feeding... or breasts... or feeding in general. I just don't feel the need to prod my ten year-old daughter (or my twenty-two year-old) into motherhood before she's ready.

Call me old fashioned, but I've developed a child-development theory that it's OK to have a little span between playing with dolls and learning how to properly feed an infant... like maybe fifteen or twenty years.

Maybe we'll get her something that talks... or maybe not (see next toy).

Sponsor Content

My Voice Nation Help

Now Trending

Phoenix Concert Tickets

From the Vault