Six Words Laurie Notaro Demands People Stop Using Right Now

Laurie Notaro is an author, crafter, and expert at finding a good cocktail. She grew up in Phoenix, but is currently based in Eugene, Oregon. Each week, she'll be joining us to share a crafting adventure, draw a flowchart, or remember a few of her favorite things about Phoenix. Today, she shares a few of the words she hates.

http://slanguagestudio.com/

I understand that language evolves; it adapts to the temperature of the culture and times, and it's a constantly changing entity. But below are six terms that have entered our spoken word like a chigger under the skin of society that refuses to budge.

Now I know if I am patient and wait, they will eventually lose their shine and fade back into obscurity like "gnarly," "rad," and "grody," but what if they don't? What if they are granted permanent residence as in "I was like, ..." or "totally"? See this as a warning call that if we don't do something about these phrases now, they may never leave, like genital herpes and Ryan Seacrest. That's how serious this is!!!

http://memecrunch.com/meme/30PB/excited-kitten-says

6. Meme:
What is this? What does it mean? I dare anyone to explain it to me in a sentence. You can't. You know why? It's a stupid word, and stupid is too complicated to explain in one line. Right now I am very hungry so I may not be making a lot of sense, but this word makes me irate. IRATE.

My boiling point was reached while watching PBS coverage of the election night, and whole segment was devoted to what people who were tweeting and not watching the returns were tweeting about the returns. I watched the returns. Why would I want to know what people who weren't were saying and what their memes were? And why did it need a whole segment to tell me what memes were "trending" by people who weren't paying full attention because they were meming? Why would the rest of us, who were paying attention, care? I WAS PAYING FULL ATTENTION. Ask me what happened, PBS!! ASK ME!! I wasn't even that drunk! And what the hell does "haz" mean?

Words to use instead: Bullshit; Generational nonsense typed by someone on Adderall; Just another kitten picture that isn't funny of a kitten that was probably dropped off at the Humane Society years ago.

5. Bump:
I know this is supposed to be a cutesy pie reference to a recently noticeable pregnancy, and I did my best to ignore it, but after I saw that it was the name of a maternity store, I flipped out.

It's not cute, it's over used and worn out and repeated far too often by young Republican girls working retail while shopping for a husband at their local ward and by women who have a subscription to Us Weekly. Not really the sort of think tank that should be determining our vocabulary.

And another thing, most of the bumps out there aren't the cute kind, either. Bumps are mostly inflamed tissue, fat deposits, warts, moles and tumors. And all of that stuff should be cut off and certainly not celebrated. And here's yet another thing: on behalf of all the girls out there who have been asked "When are you due?" when the only thing due was a punch in the face to the inquisitor, ease up on the bump culture, OK? Just because there's a protrusion in the abdominal area doesn't mean you need to call extra attention to it or ask what you're naming it. If you must know, it's called "All of the Carbs I ate in 2007 Past Eight O'Clock at Night." OK?

Words to use instead: Engorged uterus; Circumference; Lair of the fetus.