Balloons of Doom: Three Reasons Why We're Afraid of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade

Categories: Fanboy

1938-Macys-Day-Parade-120-Sea-Serpent-Float-NYC.jpeg
Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, 1938 via imprint
Superstorms. Financial collapse. Plague. As if we needed one more thing to perserverate on, here comes the annual Thanksgiving Day spectacular.

Oh, sure, everybody loves a parade, what with the marching bands, the Radio City Rockettes and Al Roker's deleriously happy mugging with newly-minted sitcom stars. But there's also a dark shadow over all that joyful autumn revelry - a dark shadow cast by gigantic character balloons.

See also:
- Nine Thanksgiving Weekend Parties in Metro Phoenix
- 10 Dysfunctional Film Families That'll Make You Feel Better About Your Own

It sounds silly, but as a pop-culture immersed fan-boy, I've been fed a steady diet of propaganda that positions festive, whimsical inflatables as the ultimate villian and suggests that our demise might only be a helium tank away. But, as Levar Burton once said, you don't have to take my word for it. See how the evidence stacks up and decide for yourself below:

Exhibit A: 99 Luftballons


You know the story. Nena's 1983 pop-hit/protest song tells a story of paranoia, nuclear holocaust and a stray balloon bouquet. The moral? The death of millions, when put to new-wave music is immensely dance-able.

Exhibit B: IT


As if clowns (and really, Tim Curry in general) weren't creepy enough, this Stephen King adaptation forever ruined celebratory balloon drops.


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