Laurie Notaro on Recipe Theft, Cheap Toilet Paper, and Not Being Invited to a Close Friend's Party on Facebook

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Laurie Notaro is an author, crafter, and expert at finding a good cocktail. She grew up in Phoenix, but is currently based in Eugene, Oregon. Each week, she'll be joining us to share a crafting adventure, draw a flowchart, or remember a few of her favorite things about Phoenix. Today, she shares her reaction to a friend's event on Facebook, to which she was not invited.

I wasn't on the invitation list.

I checked twice, three times. I was sure that I was just so used to seeing me that I had skipped it out of habit. The list was long, full of faces that I knew. A long line of faces that had eaten party food at my house and had pulled a beer I had paid for out of a cooler on my back porch.

And on this long list of Facebook invitees for a birthday of someone I considered a very good friend, mine wasn't one of them.

'Mark Zuckerberg is an asshole,' I immediately thought. The last thing I ever wanted in my life was social transparency! I want to stay in the world where I think that the people who like me like me and the people who hate me like me, too. I don't need to know the truth! I can't handle the truth. Who can?

If you ever really feel the urge to time travel, especially back to seventh grade, all you need to do is log onto Facebook. It will only be a matter of moments before the opportunity presents itself in pictures of people laughing that you're not in, inside jokes you don't get, and proof that doesn't get any more concrete that people you like don't like you back.

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I was instantly transported to a place where I emerged from a lunch room with smooshed bread packed around the orthodontics of every tooth and I was terrified at the unknown horror of maxi pads. I gave up salt water taffy, Cracker Jacks, and corn on the cob for four years. I was not giving up bread. On the bright side, it would be the last year I was able to wear buttoned shirts without the aid of safety pins in the breast bud area. I should have been enjoying the moment, because I had a decent body mass index that would scurry out of my control by eighth grade due to my Nutty Ho Ho fixation, but I now can't help focusing on the fact that I have been left out again -- by people I know and trusted.

I have two first reactions:


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5 comments
monabookgirl
monabookgirl

You have a standing invitation to my home any time you want. And I buy Charmin and only Charmin, so there is no need to bring your own TP. The stuffed mushrooms would be greatly appreciated though.

kaybutler
kaybutler

Thanks to Prankster Clark Howard, I still have 5-6 rolls of the "fabulous" Kirkland (Costco) toilet paper to use ineffectively before I allow myself to return to my True Love, Charmin'.  How did I get bamboozled by that huckster?  That petty topic aside, I still hold a grudge against a certain Tempe "uppah-crust wannabe" who invited our entire group to a fabulous party in 1976...and specifically excluded my husband and me. I'm still waiting to read her obituary and cackle in delight, "I win!"

loriewaite1
loriewaite1

Next time you're in Phoenix, come to my house.  I use Charmin ONLY and have my own stuffed mushroom recipe.......... And my grandma hates guacamole and people, so you won't have to talk to her.........

sonja_nichole
sonja_nichole

I'd invite you. Bring toilet paper and stuffed mushrooms. I will exclude the friend who would set things on fire. And my grandma hates my house. So you're safe there. I cried. I laughed so hard reading this. Thank you!

BarefootBusdrvr
BarefootBusdrvr

@laurienotaro wipe free or die! You just made my day! :)

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