The Six Creepiest Things Laurie Notaro Saw on Facebook Last Week

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Laurie Notaro is an author, crafter, and expert at finding a good cocktail. She grew up in Phoenix, but is currently based in Eugene, Oregon. Each week, she'll be joining us to share a crafting adventure, draw a flowchart, or remember a few of her favorite things about Phoenix. Today, she takes a look at the creepy Facebook behaviors she's seen in the past week.

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If the Internet is the seventh circle of hell as I believe it to be, then Facebook is without question its reigning five-star general. There's no doubt that the social network swamp is the first in the goosestep, leading its troops into a swirling bottomless pit of cringes, things that cannot be unseen, and peeks at humanity that result in a creep factor worthy of Hieronymus Bosch.

We've all had our share reading of gasp-eliciting status updates from People You Thought Knew Better, but when it comes to setting the lowest common denominator, leave it to Facebook to repeatedly drop the bar. Again. And again. And again. It's rapidly becoming my "go-to" spot when my hope for mankind (seeing people wash their hands after going to the bathroom, that Wal-Mart hasn't run Target out of business yet, or when a stranger lets me pet their puppy) does anything but flat line and I haven't felt raw despair for roughly 30 seconds.

Without a hitch, Facebook plants me firmly back in my place and reminds me that for every six-week old Australian Shepherd with a wagging tail, there's someone who can't wait to tell me that 12 people got killed in a movie theater because there's no prayer time in public schools. Which brings us to the six creepiest things I've seen on Facebook this week:

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http://blogs.laweekly.com/informer/chick-fil-a%20hate%20@ericspillman.JPG
6. Chick-Fil-H8
I fully, 100 percent support gay marriage. I do. I do. I do. What I do not support is the use of any fried food to do the bidding in a whacked-out political game on either side of the fence. Leave the fried chicken breast alone! What's a little flour and oil done to anybody?

I haven't seen this much stupidity since the era of Freedom Fries and the boycott on Brie cheese and French wine, which really wasn't a boycott at all since the President brand (the kind you get at Walgreen's in a triangle-shaped plastic coffin for $3.99) is made is Wisconsin and Republican wine pretty much is, too. Not that I don't love Wisconsin, because I do--they have fried chicken breaded in Cap'n Crunch and I am not lying--but I want my cheese to be more well traveled than I am.

Back off the fried food, please. Pick something that deserves it, like fig leaves or unleavened bread. Pick a Bible food as long as we're playing that field, but fried chicken never did anything to anybody except clog a couple of arteries and maybe cause some self-injecting around meal time. All I'm saying is that you CAN'T CO-OPT A COMFORT FOOD BECAUSE YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE'S RIGHTS. That's all I'm saying.


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13 comments
heather
heather

Laurie, I never cease to laugh at your approach to life and all the complexities!  However, I love looking at the background of photos, if for no other reason than the good laugh they provide.

kcarespodi
kcarespodi

I am living in a hovel and have been since I became famous.  Because now my house is full of every lame stick of furniture that everyone in a tri-state area thinks I want to paint. 

The Cult of The Yellow Sign
The Cult of The Yellow Sign

At the Cult, we pride ourselves on brain damaged, nonsensical gurglings, but saying "Is social media causing the devolution of the human race? You decide" ON FACEBOOK? We tip our hoods to you, New Times Socal Media person. You just suggested all your followers are Neanderthals. AND THEN PEOPLE LIKED IT.

GustaReza
GustaReza

Oh please Laurie .... NO! I LOVE all the hovel in the background photos. I always look at the background before I look at the subject of the photo. On top of that, have you ever noticed that it seems like every 'look at me in my bikini' or 'look at my six pack' or 'look at my new tattoo' picture seems to be taken in the bathroom? It's like people don't have mirrors in any other room of their house!

Gina Wilkinson-Montague
Gina Wilkinson-Montague

Zalamar--because it's an INDIVIDUAL who owns a PRIVATE company, and has the right to donate his profits as he sees fit. that's what's great about America. Target, Oreos, and JC Penney are all allowed to donate their monies to pro-gay causes and, if I'm correct, those are actually PUBLICLY-traded companies.

Mary Doe
Mary Doe

Oh! The Bitter One. She is the creepiest thing I've seen on Phoenix NT for some time. The female can easily produce about a gallon of bile over a fucking breakfast omelet. And did.

emilioybarrajr
emilioybarrajr

the spicy chicken at chic fil a is the best ive ever had

Zalamar Zeedubb Davis
Zalamar Zeedubb Davis

the thing about Chik-Fil-A isn't that they don't support gay marriage. it's that they're spending MILLIONS of dollars to assure gays can't get married. why does a chicken company have that much power in this country, but not the people?

mike.quirin
mike.quirin

what the fuck am I doing with my life?

JustDoIt
JustDoIt

Comments related to the article not each other, that’s a troll mentality missy. I.e. The author of this here article is a MORON *Better

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