Not every craft is a holiday success -- the cookies burn, the glitter spills, and you go a little overboard with the bedazzler. But something about the holiday season allows some of us forgive ourselves for our artistic failures, while leading others to turn to handmade cyber warehouse Etsy, where hundreds of pages currently advertise a range of holiday decorations from vendors around the globe.
In Etsy's holiday shop, ugly is not in short supply. There are countless creepy Santas made from papier mache and dozens of "up"cycled wreathes that have seen better days in the can. Today, we're looking at ornaments, and we're not ashamed to admit that we're scraping the bottom of the barrel.
Here are the nine ugliest holiday ornaments on Etsy, along with price information and their creator's descriptions (and our translations).
9. Whimsical Labrador Dog Christmas Santa Claus Ornament -- $22
Etsy Description: Cute ornament sculpted with bakers clay, baked for hours to give it the right hardening. Hand painted with acrylic paints, antique then varnished. New but made to look old vintage.
Translation: "Bakers clay," huh? No turd polishing here. Nope.
8. Spiral Shell Christmas Ornament with Gold Ribbon -- $3
: Beautiful spiral shell makes a delicate and elegant Christmas ornament. Gold ribbon makes it easy to hang on your Christmas Tree!
Translation: This shit is easy! Paint a shell! Put a bow on it! Hang it on the tree!
7. Four-Pack of Twilight Series Glitter Christmas Ornaments -- $40
: The perfect gift for any Twilight fan. Comes tied with ribbon for hanging.
Translation: Have a few friends who like Twilight? They'll understand glittery balls are worth at least $40.
6. Thumbs Up/Down Christmas Ornament -- $12
Want to show your loved ones that you'll do absolutely anything to decorate that tree? Finally you can adequately express your Christmas feelings with this super cool thumb ornament! This life sized thumb, in Medium skin, comes with a bright red bow and ornament hanger to make decorating the tree a breeze!
Translation: Want to give your new boyfriend a quick heads up on just how much you like Christmas, The Nightmare Before Christmas, and the last season of Bones? This super cool ornament does all three, and while you figure out how to hang the digits, he'll have just enough time to slip out the back door.
5. Miniature Christmas ornament that looks like a miniature version of your pet -- $35
Honor your pet this holiday season with a custom, one-of-a-kind Christmas ornament! Sizes range from 2 inches in diameter to 5 inches. These also make great gifts for a pet lover!
Translation: Holy shit! My cat hacks up hair balls that look just like pugs with sweaters. Get the camera!