Project Accessory Episode 7: Beetles, Snot Bugs, and a Floppy Sideboob

Categories: Film and TV

brian's mess of a frozen species.jpg
Brian's mess of a frozen species

In a nutshell: Brian's stuff is a disaster. DISASTER. When queried about it, he replies, "I chose the Goliath Beetle. All of the nature programs I watch--I found out one or two specimens are going extinct every week. So this piece to me represents the extinction of--a beetle--by the death of it through freezing."

Clearly, Brain has spent too many hours watching the Bullshit Channel, because it clearly freezes a lot in tropical forests where huge beetles (specimens!) like that are found. Like Africa. I guess 2012 is a documentary on Brian's cable.

It only gets better when The Brain Molly Sims giggles and says, "I think you made your model look like she was in Hurricane Irene."

Oh, yes, I remember. The ICE hurricane. That must have been on the Bullshit Channel, too.

Rich's model walks down the runway with his dissected Hercules beetle, which is thankfully still at room temperature, on every piece he's created. The judges go bananas, and Ariel Foxman pompously implores, "What is that? What is that new shape I'm seeing?"

They love love love Rich. If his model wasn't covered in dead beetle that's been soaked in some funerial preservative, they would have eaten her up.

christina's leaf bug hair comb.jpg
Christina's leaf bug hair comb

They're not so nice to Christina, as SAKC calls her leaf-bug antique comb "underwhelming" and refers to the comb as Pocahontas.

Nina's spider web necklace and cuff are a little creepy, but beautiful at the same time. It resonates with all the judges, and she is commended on standing up to her spider feat.

Diego, however, isn't about to get as good of a reception. Ariel Foxman does everything to keep his hands at his sides when he exclaims, "I want to ignore the headpiece," he says, referring to some little thingy Diego made and put is buttafly on it. "I want to pretend it doesn't exist. On my card, I wrote, 'Cup and saucer landed on head.'"

He's the editor of InStyle. I'm going to say it again. He's the editor of InStyle. True, that explains the abundance pictures and very few letters, but still. HE'S THE EDITOR OF INSTYLE. "Cup and saucer landed on head." That deserves a slap from somebody, don't you think? Even though he'd be within the character count, even Twitter would tell him to be more clever.

naina's amazing spidey cuff.jpg
Nina's amazing spidey cuff

"You have made it very difficult for us to choose who sucks the most," Molly Sims might as well have said, and she pretty much said something similar. But honestly, it's not the artists that suck, it's everyone else involved in the show aside from them.

rich's beetle necklace.jpg
Rich's beetle necklace

In the end, it's Christina and Diego that get shooed away, and Rich, as he predicted, wins the challenge. Nina and somehow Brian round out the final three for the bragging rights of being the winner on the suckiest of television shows. Only one more show to go.

In the meantime, does anyone know what the numbers of the Bullshit Channel are?

Author Laurie Notaro's on a mission to make it through the first season of Project Accessory on Lifetime. 

Read more of her episode recaps below: 

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