Steve Hates Aquaman
|A screen shot of Negativsteve Mandel's Tumblr "Steve Hates Aquaman."|
"I am not a nutjob," Mandel states in a post entitled "The Secret Origin of Aquaman Hate." "I understand that Aquaman is a fictional character, and has no effect on my life. He hasn't killed any of my family members, stolen a girlfriend, or caused me to lose a job. Still, I hate him with the intensity of a thousand burning suns."
"Aquaman's inclusion in the Superfriends always confused me: Superman was super-strong, could fly, was invulnerable, and had heat vision; Batman & Robin were super-detectives and had all those nifty gadgets; Wonder Woman had a magic lasso and an invisible jet; Aquaman swam and shot circles out of his forehead," Mandel states. "I had just started taking swimming lessons, so swimming did not impress me much, and concentric circles just seemed like a lame power. Plus, it was obvious, even at that young age, that all of the villains added a water component to their evil schemes just so that Aquaman would have something to do."
In addition to long tirades about the "Sea Sultan," Mandel has also recruited Valley artists to contribute their anti-Aquaman works to the blog.
Besides sketches of the hydrological hero kicking puppies off a cliff or stealing candy from an infant, there are also drawings of a prurient and scatological nature, usually taking place in the water. Like Mickey Chaney's work showing Aquaman farting in the pool or Ben Glendenning's piece showing where depicting the character stabbing himself in the nose with his hand-trident while, er...digging for gold.
Another hilarious entry on the Tumblr is "An Orgy of Aquaman Haiku," which features more than a hundred entries defaming the "Water Wizard" via the Japanese poetic form as penned by Mandel and his friends Chris Nakagawa and Lisa Barrow. A majority of them end with the foul-mouthed taunt, "Fuck you, Aquaman!"
Here are some of our favorites:
- "JLA Member/Due to pity and quotas/Fuck you, Aquaman!"
- "Couldn't go fight crime/Had to change your filter first/Good job, Aquaman"
- "The other heroes/Laugh at you behind your back/Fuck you, Aquaman!"
- "I bet Steve Irwin/Could have used your help, jackass/Fuck you, Aquaman!"
It's simple, to the point, and laced with expletives, which pretty much sums up Mandel's hatred of Aquaman and his Tumblr.