Winter Fashion Don'ts for Phoenix

Categories: Fashion
Too Much Fur
Hey, it's winter. A little bit of cozy fur is great for the inside of a coat collar or on the end of a scarf. But sporting He-Man boots with a full fur coat and hat will make you look like an ass. We live in lizard country, not bear country, remember?

How do you look at yourself in the mirror?
Huge Civil War Era-Lookin' Beard
Many guys make the sad mistake of using cold weather as an excuse to forgo facial hair maintenance. Unfair! How would guys like it if the ladies used winter as an excuse to stop shaving their parts? Come on, dudes, trim that bush.

Thigh-High Boots
Let's be realistic here: This trend takes a lot of fashion prowess to not make the wearer look like a complete whore. Phoenix, we're just not there yet. If you want to wear them, book a trip to New York, observe how those ladies do it, and try it there.

Leggings or Jeggings as Pants (Conditional)
Don't wear them if your shirt or sweater does not cover at least 3/4 of your butt. This isn't yoga class, it's the real world. Don't wear them unless you have a cute ass. Thin or heavyset, leggings as pants are only for those whose tushies are smooth and shapely. Don't wear them if your underwear lines show through. This should be a no-brainer but we still see this around town. Stop, please!

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Baggy Beanies
We put up with this trend last year and while certain folks can pull this off, the vast majority of you look like idiots. Especially the dudes. And especially if your baggy beanie is a neutral color (this rule goes for all beanies, BTW). Things just start to look fleshy and saggy...which is really not the visual association your clothing should make. In other words, get that scrotum off your head.

Mini Dress
Unfortunately, this happens in Phoenix. We've all seen the gaggle of girls on a Saturday night wearing sleeveless mini dresses. We realize this is an attempt to look hot and sexy in spite of the cold. Ladies, there's nothing attractive about a girl hunched over, shivering, with goose bumps all over her wintery dry skin. Cover that mess up.

Scarf Plus Tank Top

This is just downright offensive. First, tank tops should not be worn in winter unless they are your first layer. Second, a fluffy scarf should be paired with other fluffy or warm-looking clothes. The winter scarf plus tank top happens a lot in Phoenix and it makes us look like fashion morons.

Oh, God! Put those things away!
This is the ultimate offense to winter fashion in Phoenix. Come on! Do you even care? About anything? Flip-flops should not be worn after September, period, end of story. Also, if you have the audacity to wear flip-flops in winter, you're probably the kind of person who does not take care of your feet. Guess what? No one wants to see your scraggle pads with chipped toenail polish and hang-nails at any time of the year, let alone in winter.

UGG Boots

This is a plea to the nation to stop wearing these hideous things. Can we move on already? There's no better way to show how fashionably stunted we are than to sport these clunkers. Remember in America's Next Top Model when the judges slammed one of the contestants for choosing to wear UGGs? You don't? That's probably because IT HAPPENED IN 2004!

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love this blog, agree with all of the scoldings on scarves and tanks, leggings as pants are just wrong no matter what you look like from behind, and flip flops are for the beach or pool....period.  

I have a question.  I am a Canadian with pasty white skin and spending 4 days in Phoenix this month.  I have a few short fall dresses I want to wear.  Can I wear black tights and booties?  Do the "natives" wear black tights in winter?


I love and care for my feet! That's why I wear flip flops year round. Socks bother me and you'd never catch my well pedi-ed tootsies crammed into uncomfortable heels.


God your so NEGATIVE. You must be a pretty conservative, booooooring person. jejeje


I walk my dogs at 6:00 in the morning. I wear my uggs, maybe you've noticed, this is not South Beach. The desert is cold at that hour. duh....or should that be ugg?


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I don't know. When it's 85 in November, what's the problem with flip flops? (I DO see the problem with Uggs.)


Ummmm the high today was 76. Maybe that counts as "winter" Phoenix but that is practically summer elsewhere. Rules against flip flops and tank tops are stupid when it's plenty warm enough to wear them. A better rule would be to dress appropriately for the weather, like your entry on mini dresses.


Yes, in Phoenix (or any other hot place) continuing to wear Uggs is stupid. But travel north to Salt Lake where it snows all winter...Uggs more than welcome here!


If you think it's ridiculous when Phoenicians ignore these faux pas, check out what they do in the real winter country, like Chicago or Minneapolis! While it's not cool to wear your warm parka bar crawling, it's pretty stupid to act as if it's still 50 when it's -10. Women will do anything to get attention, regardless of the climate or intelligence it requests.


I love all of this. However, I do think there is a proper way to wear a tank top and scarf in "winter" like when it is 75 degrees out but I don't want to show my cleavage to the teenage boys I work with. Not a long scarf though, that would just look stupid.

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