5 Things I Will Never Eat or Drink Again

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[puamelia] via Flickr
For every year that my palate matures, two more bad experiences come to my plate. Though most of us would not claim to be picky eaters, we have to admit we've all suffered some form of culinary trauma. Like any sour encounter of my life, my best is not to forgive but to forget. But until I reach the ripe old age where my taste buds and sense of smell start to diminish, these five foods (and drinks) will remain on my black list.

See also: I Drank Something Called "Dank-Dank" at Songbird Coffee and It Was Even Awesomer Than It Sounds

Sushi

Seafood may be hard enough for me to stomach, but consider me quarantined from the sushi bar. Like anything in the raw, this fishy favorite (of others) packs a punch that leaves me gasping for air . . . outside. I handled my first bite of sushi the way some people process traumatic news: tears, vomit, and locking myself in the bathroom until any resemblance of what put me there is gone.

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Nick Bair via Flickr
Tongue

Call me crazy, but when I French kiss, I prefer the other tongue be alive (and, ideally, human). The literal dead tongue in the mouth is a million times more scarring then the figurative one of junior high spin-the-bottle. In another life, I believed you could put nearly anything in a taco and I'd take it without question. That was before I discovered the chewy chunks of severed taste buds nestled in my corn tortilla. Simply put, there is no love lost between me and lengua.

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Heather Hoch
Tonic Water and Espresso

Recently, another Chow Bella writer and I sampled the caffeinated experiment that is espresso with tonic water. Though she thought the beverage "rounds out nicely," she acknowledged that "not everyone will like this drink." Consider me part of the not everyone. You can also consider me the person who deemed that it tasted like "coffee with a taser" because I was and it did. Like electroshock therapy for the senses, I quickly forgot why I had ever thought it a good idea to sample this sinister beverage.

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Katie Johnson
Onion Rings

Onion rings and I started off as mild-mannered acquaintances. If onion rings appeared at the table, I would be polite and sample one or two from the communal plate. Then came the day when our relationship metastasized into something much more committal -- a list -- and therefore a thorough search, for the best rings in the Valley. When you've eaten multiple plates of the same dish in relatively quick succession, it's almost impossible not to feel, well, fried. Fair to say I've eaten enough battered rings to last me a lifetime.

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JeffBedford via Flickr
Mango Juice

My mango juice woe stems not so much from a tale of culinary adventure as it does college stupidity. Lesson learned: Naked brand mango juice smooth is not a proper chaser for Smirnoff. When you find yourself stuck between a vodka on the rocks and a hard place, don't try to cut your losses with just any form of tropical fruit juice. And if you ever drink enough alcohol to assault your liver and vandalize your stomach, just know that whatever juice you chose as an accomplice will forever be considered guilty by association.

What about you? Tell us in the comments section what you won't eat or drink -- and why.

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72 comments
Hr Hamada
Hr Hamada

I enjoy reading chowbella, but this was one of it's lowest moments. If you don't like (good) sushi, who did you become a food critic without a palate with enough subtlety? Or perhaps you're eating sushi from the grocery store or from a buffet.

Steve M. Rayman
Steve M. Rayman

I like tongue. Been eating it as long as I can remember. It's good. My mother and my mother in law made it for me. Nowadays I get it at the deli.

scottsdalebubbe
scottsdalebubbe

Never buy/never eat any canned vegetable except tomatoes and cooked dry beans and chickpeas; most dry cereal (sugar bombs), anything with soy protein or soy flour; any canned or frozen entrees or prepared meals; "instant" anything,  insects; al dente eggplant or potatoes; mushrooms (you don't want to know); pomegranate seeds; pumpkin seeds (why would I want to eat out AND order something where I had to do a lot of work to eat it with not much reward for the work?); mussels; oysters, kidneys, goopy coleslaw, processed cheeses, hot dogs, especially Hebrew National (salt bombs), yellow (crookneck) summer squash, balloon bread; beef tri-tip (connective tissue jungle), Fat Tire beer (tastes like rubber), anything with more than one item on the label that I can't pronounce or isn't known as food, and anything white that wasn't white when it was growing.


OTOH have enjoyed sweetbreads and calf, turkey and chicken liver (cooked correctly), snails, raw fish, steak tartare, frogs legs, fresh clams or scallops "cooked" in lemon or lime juice, french fried turkey nuts, caviar and other fish eggs, beef and lamb tongue, pork hocks, turkey gizzards, fish skin (de-scaled), shark, bone marrow, neck bones, oxtail, goat, menudo, gefilte fish (homemade, not the jarred kind), octopus, squid cooked in its ink, stuffed kishka.


Have yet to attempt (and probably never will) animal feet, bills, lips, snouts, combs, wattles.  

naoma
naoma

The food I will not eat is anything CHINESE.  Been to China.  Could not eat anything and lost 10 pounds in one week.  The smell in the restaurants, etc.  At one highly recommended place the woman I traveled with ate my chicken because it was white skin with pin feathers and a "revered" man who was bowed to as he entered sat down and BLEW HIS NOSE ON THE TABLE CLOTH.  And, this was a very 

classy, expensive place.  UGH

naoma
naoma

Just had a sushi meal last night.  Been to Japan and ate a lot of it.  It is, indeed, an 

acquired "taste" but once you learn to love it you are hooked.  Our daughter ate

it for the first time when she was young (she is grown up now) and must have

eaten my husband out of "house and home."   Any type of MEAT is off my list of FOOD.

fif3l.j
fif3l.j

this is a terrible editorial..please ask rachel miller to write more.

UraHack
UraHack

In today's episode of "ME ME ME", Katie discusses the food that she can no longer eat. Gather around, everyone!

UncleJessesMullet
UncleJessesMullet

BE NICE TO KATIE. SHE JUST LEARND HOW TO READ AND IS TRYING HER BEST!!!!

Jason Moss
Jason Moss

One person that I'll never take food advice from.

Kyl-Bear Ledbetter
Kyl-Bear Ledbetter

This is a stretch. I can't help but feel as though the individual who has a blacklist shouldn't be on a food blog. To draw a line in the sand and say you will never eat something again narrows your view. I have been in many situations where chefs have changed my opinion on certain ingredients that I haven't cared for. Its all about entering situations with an open mind.

Kelsey Brownell
Kelsey Brownell

If this is a legit article, my theory that Phoenix New Times is turning into complete shit, is finally proven. What is happening? You're team used to be heroic during the days of my youth. Now I find myself cringing more than nodding or applauding. Please for the love of the valley get your shit together.

Anthony Morreale
Anthony Morreale

Come on New Times.. This is just hollow linkbaiting. You're better than this.

Ryan White
Ryan White

Yet another pointless article....

Brett Solesky
Brett Solesky

Lengua tacos done right are delicious. If they are over cooked or reheated then lengua yuck.

Nancy Robinson
Nancy Robinson

So you're a food blogger who doesn't know that sushi doesn't = raw fish? You might want to consider a new profession.

Leah Greer
Leah Greer

Caviar and oyster shooters? Blaaaa

Jesse Adams
Jesse Adams

Pizza rolls. Last time I ate some it caused me to miss a cardinals game the next morning

David Briggs
David Briggs

Kiltlifter. Love Four Peaks, but Kiltlifter gives a mule-kick hangover.

Shauna Matthew
Shauna Matthew

What a pity that the author does not know that sushi is not raw fish. Perhaps they are confusing it with sashimi, or maki?

naoma
naoma

Sushi is "mostly" raw fish.  At least that is what they called it in Japan when I was there.  If it isn't raw fish, please enlighten me as to what it IS!

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