5 Things Your Hostess Really Doesn't Want You to Do

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Courtesy Flickr user: Wonderlane

Don't point out empty tables in the room to your hostess.

She knows they're there and she knows they're empty. She also knows that the restaurant is short-staffed, so while you and your party technically can sit in them, you technically won't get service for quite some time. Believe it or not, the hostess does know a few things that the general public does not. But with nothing more than a dinky hostess stand separating her from the animals patrons, it's a concept easily forgotten.

No, your hostess can not serve you. She's a hostess.

If the doctor was busy seeing other patients, you wouldn't ask the receptionist to check your prostate. The arguments defending this request for a hostess to put on an apron and serve patrons range everywhere from pervy flirtation to asking, "How hard is it to just bring food to tables?" To this, both your hostess and your server might respond, "How hard is it to just make your meals at home?"

Avoid the bribes and the blackmail.

You kill more flies with honey than you do vinegar. Remember this the next time you feel like being an absolute dick for something your hostess has no control over. Threatening your hostess with a bad Yelp review or a word with her manager is not going to get you into your seat any faster. If anything it's going to guarantee you a cozy spot between the bathroom, the kitchen, and that women who won't stop hacking.

Bribery is an equally risky move. While some hostesses may turn away attempts to pay your way to a better table, others will simply turn their noses at what you consider to be a generous gift. Gee, whiz, two dollars? Why don't you sit your cheap ass down with the rest of the parties and wait your turn like everybody else.

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20 comments
Cindy Albrecht Doerr
Cindy Albrecht Doerr

I'd like to stick every single one of you nay sayers behind a hostess stand for just one Saturday night...I can guarantee you that ALL of you would be changing your tune pretty d*mn quick...btw NOT in the business! Respect for your fellow human is free and probably more appreciated than your cheap a$$ tip.

Benne Rex
Benne Rex

I break the rule about pointing out empty tables all the time - otherwise they'll carelessly throw me back to back with a noisy family full of squaking little brats running all over the place or just staring at me curiously. As a single bachelor who normally catches up on periodical readings (such as your esteemed publication) I say the quieter the better! So if the 16 year old is just going to dump me where-ever its convenient for them I'm like "Nope" I want that one - even if I have to wait for the table to be cleaned!

James Patrick Harris
James Patrick Harris

The main problem with authors that write articles like these 'What to do/not do in a restaurant' seem to think that customers actually give a shit about the way everything in their restaurant should run; ie 'Tip xxxx amount because I have to tip out the bar staff, the hostesses, ____ staff, ____ staff, etc.' 'Do this because _____.' 'Don't do this because _____.' Nobody cares. Not even perfectly pleasant folks care. Customers are there for a burger & fries or whatever. They aren't there to accommodate restaurant staff or take their finances or ANY of their burdens into account; they.do.not.care. To think otherwise is foolish. I wholly agree that the customer is /not/ always right, but there's a world of difference between being an unreasonable customer and being a customer who doesn't give a shit about how easy they've made a hostesses'/waitresses' job on a given evening or how they're going to make rent or make the car payment this month. With rare exception, that's just how it is.

Misti Mathews
Misti Mathews

Now should we list the things your server doesnt want you to do?

David Kitchen
David Kitchen

I'm "itb" and these articles tick me off. While it's never ok to be a jerk, I don't mind going the extra mile to make sure that the people paying my bills are happy at all times. I assure you that the people who pay my bills have tasks at work that they don't like but have to do... And they do them, without complaint and without having articles written up in papers.

Cathy Kalik
Cathy Kalik

I bet you can relate to these Tara Stein!

Whitney Boyd
Whitney Boyd

It's simple: don't be a dick. That goes for both sides. Also, contrary to the smoke that's been blown up our consumer asses, the customer is NOT always right.

Just be sober and reasonable. Not always black/white.

Rita Mary
Rita Mary

Sounds like the writer used to be a hostess. Nothing wrong with finding out where you are on the list. Sometimes you don't hear the hostess calling and you get skipped. Perfectly reasonable to assess if you plan to stay despite hostess totally underestimated wait time and you're tired of waiting at the bar she steered you to.

James Patrick Harris
James Patrick Harris

Eff off. If I'm a paying customer and I have questions, I'm gonna ask them. Not that I would do any of these, but seriously- don't preemptively reprimand restaurant patrons. Customers run the show; it's not the other way around. Think otherwise and your restaurant will be on the NT list of restaurants closing this week.

Chad Austin
Chad Austin

You guys kill me. The other day you attack the restaurants and today you attack the patrons. Who's next on the chopping block?

I feel sad that we have to have lists like this in an attempt to teach people to act like civilized humans.

Danielle Richeson
Danielle Richeson

They forgot to add not to ask for the owner when the hostess tells you this is the only table available. And don't throw a tantrum when you don't get "your" table

The_Hostess
The_Hostess

This was long over due, so thank you Chow Bella. Let's amend the list a bit shall we--


6) Be on time for your reservation

Like any other professional organization, dentist, your Tax lady etc., restaurants run just as tight a schedule. Just like any other appointment being 30 min late is not only rude and inconsiderate, it guarantees you'll loose your reservation. So don't bitch to the host because you weren't on time.


7) Don't move tables and rearrange the restaurant. 

Although restaurants want you to be comfortable you're not at home, so leave the furniture alone and ask the staff for assistance. Don't be that jerk dragging tables and disrupting the whole space.

8) Don't seat yourself when there are signs posted that read PLEASE WAIT TO BE SEATED or the like. 

Yes, this applies to you too.Unbeknownst to you, there are folks who will go through the trouble of making a reservation and that very table is where they'll be sitting when they arrive. Besides, you'll feel like even more of a jerk when you're asked to get up from said table.


9) It's a TERRIBLE idea to show up with 10 when you made a reservation for 4. 

Yes, restaurants want you to bring your friends, but you must call a head to make sure that your larger group can be accommodated. Do be surprised or put-off when the hostess tells you that the extras you brought can't join you at the same table.


10) Don't point out empty tables in the room to your hostess. This is so egregious it needs to be listed twice.

The_Hostess
The_Hostess

This was long over due so thank you Chow Bella. Let's amend the list a bit shall we--


6) Be on time for your reservation. 

Like any other professional organization, dentist, your Tax lady etc., restaurants run just as tight a schedule. Just like any other appointment you make being 30 min late is not only rude and inconsiderate, it guarantees you'll loose your reservation. So don't bitch to the host because you weren't on time.


7) Don't move table and rearrange the restaurant. 

Although restaurants want you to be comfortable you're not at home so leave the furniture alone and ask the staff for assistance. Don't be that jerk dragging tables and disrupting the whole space.

8) Don't seat yourself when there are signs pasted that reads PLEASE WAIT TO BE SEATED or the like. 

Yes, this applies to you too.Unbeknownst to you there are folks who will go through the trouble of making a reservations and that very table is where they'll be sitting when they arrive. Besides you feel like even more of a jerk when you're asked to get up from said table.


9) It's a TERRIBLE idea to show up with 10 when you made reservations for 4. 

Yes, restaurants want you to bring your friends but you must call a head to make sure that your larger group can be accommodated. Do be surprised or put-off when the hostess tells you that the extras you brought cant join you at the same table.


10) Don't point out empty tables in the room to your hostess. This is so egregious it needs to be listed twice.

yoyowordup
yoyowordup

@The_Hostess - Don't compare a restaurant to a Doctor's office.  Takes away from the validity of your points.

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