5 Things Your Hostess Really Doesn't Want You to Do

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hostess-stand-flickr.jpg
Courtesy Flickr user: SierraTierra
While the hostess' duties may not be as plentiful nor as stressful as the responsibilities laid upon the wait staff, the kitchen, or even management, that doesn't mean that from time to time she doesn't have to fight the urge to punch you in your stupid, dinner-eating face.

The hostess isn't just the petite bouncer of your favorite crowded eatery, she's the babysitter to you, the children in your party, and, most of all, the people with whom she can hardly tell the difference.

So to help lessen her pain and potentially your wait for a table, here are five things your hostess would really rather you stop doing. Like now.

See also: 5 Things Your Bartender Really Doesn't Want You to Do

"How much longer is it going to be?"

Remember when you would go on road trips with your parents as a kid and you and your siblings would whine from the backseat, "Are we there yet?" ad nauseam? Chances are you parents either ignored you, encouraged you to play the quiet game, or threatened to kick you out of the car and leave you stranded in the middle of nowhere for some less fortunate family to stumble upon.

Well guess what, this is the exact same thing. Only difference is, you're adults and your hostess, poor soul that she is, has no choice but smile politely and take it, because unlike your folks, this is a job she's actually getting paid for.

Hands off the seating chart.

Unless you want to guarantee never getting sat in this lifetime, stop trying to sneak a peak at the hostess' seating chart -- or worse, trying to edit said seating chart. Yes, people really do have the audacity to do this. Presumably, they're the same control freaks notorious for stealing their doctor's medical charts and rearranging the displays in clothing stores.

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20 comments
Cindy Albrecht Doerr
Cindy Albrecht Doerr

I'd like to stick every single one of you nay sayers behind a hostess stand for just one Saturday night...I can guarantee you that ALL of you would be changing your tune pretty d*mn quick...btw NOT in the business! Respect for your fellow human is free and probably more appreciated than your cheap a$$ tip.

Benne Rex
Benne Rex

I break the rule about pointing out empty tables all the time - otherwise they'll carelessly throw me back to back with a noisy family full of squaking little brats running all over the place or just staring at me curiously. As a single bachelor who normally catches up on periodical readings (such as your esteemed publication) I say the quieter the better! So if the 16 year old is just going to dump me where-ever its convenient for them I'm like "Nope" I want that one - even if I have to wait for the table to be cleaned!

James Patrick Harris
James Patrick Harris

The main problem with authors that write articles like these 'What to do/not do in a restaurant' seem to think that customers actually give a shit about the way everything in their restaurant should run; ie 'Tip xxxx amount because I have to tip out the bar staff, the hostesses, ____ staff, ____ staff, etc.' 'Do this because _____.' 'Don't do this because _____.' Nobody cares. Not even perfectly pleasant folks care. Customers are there for a burger & fries or whatever. They aren't there to accommodate restaurant staff or take their finances or ANY of their burdens into account; they.do.not.care. To think otherwise is foolish. I wholly agree that the customer is /not/ always right, but there's a world of difference between being an unreasonable customer and being a customer who doesn't give a shit about how easy they've made a hostesses'/waitresses' job on a given evening or how they're going to make rent or make the car payment this month. With rare exception, that's just how it is.

Misti Mathews
Misti Mathews

Now should we list the things your server doesnt want you to do?

David Kitchen
David Kitchen

I'm "itb" and these articles tick me off. While it's never ok to be a jerk, I don't mind going the extra mile to make sure that the people paying my bills are happy at all times. I assure you that the people who pay my bills have tasks at work that they don't like but have to do... And they do them, without complaint and without having articles written up in papers.

Cathy Kalik
Cathy Kalik

I bet you can relate to these Tara Stein!

Whitney Boyd
Whitney Boyd

It's simple: don't be a dick. That goes for both sides. Also, contrary to the smoke that's been blown up our consumer asses, the customer is NOT always right.

Just be sober and reasonable. Not always black/white.

Rita Mary
Rita Mary

Sounds like the writer used to be a hostess. Nothing wrong with finding out where you are on the list. Sometimes you don't hear the hostess calling and you get skipped. Perfectly reasonable to assess if you plan to stay despite hostess totally underestimated wait time and you're tired of waiting at the bar she steered you to.

James Patrick Harris
James Patrick Harris

Eff off. If I'm a paying customer and I have questions, I'm gonna ask them. Not that I would do any of these, but seriously- don't preemptively reprimand restaurant patrons. Customers run the show; it's not the other way around. Think otherwise and your restaurant will be on the NT list of restaurants closing this week.

Chad Austin
Chad Austin

You guys kill me. The other day you attack the restaurants and today you attack the patrons. Who's next on the chopping block?

I feel sad that we have to have lists like this in an attempt to teach people to act like civilized humans.

Danielle Richeson
Danielle Richeson

They forgot to add not to ask for the owner when the hostess tells you this is the only table available. And don't throw a tantrum when you don't get "your" table

The_Hostess
The_Hostess

This was long over due, so thank you Chow Bella. Let's amend the list a bit shall we--


6) Be on time for your reservation

Like any other professional organization, dentist, your Tax lady etc., restaurants run just as tight a schedule. Just like any other appointment being 30 min late is not only rude and inconsiderate, it guarantees you'll loose your reservation. So don't bitch to the host because you weren't on time.


7) Don't move tables and rearrange the restaurant. 

Although restaurants want you to be comfortable you're not at home, so leave the furniture alone and ask the staff for assistance. Don't be that jerk dragging tables and disrupting the whole space.

8) Don't seat yourself when there are signs posted that read PLEASE WAIT TO BE SEATED or the like. 

Yes, this applies to you too.Unbeknownst to you, there are folks who will go through the trouble of making a reservation and that very table is where they'll be sitting when they arrive. Besides, you'll feel like even more of a jerk when you're asked to get up from said table.


9) It's a TERRIBLE idea to show up with 10 when you made a reservation for 4. 

Yes, restaurants want you to bring your friends, but you must call a head to make sure that your larger group can be accommodated. Do be surprised or put-off when the hostess tells you that the extras you brought can't join you at the same table.


10) Don't point out empty tables in the room to your hostess. This is so egregious it needs to be listed twice.

The_Hostess
The_Hostess

This was long over due so thank you Chow Bella. Let's amend the list a bit shall we--


6) Be on time for your reservation. 

Like any other professional organization, dentist, your Tax lady etc., restaurants run just as tight a schedule. Just like any other appointment you make being 30 min late is not only rude and inconsiderate, it guarantees you'll loose your reservation. So don't bitch to the host because you weren't on time.


7) Don't move table and rearrange the restaurant. 

Although restaurants want you to be comfortable you're not at home so leave the furniture alone and ask the staff for assistance. Don't be that jerk dragging tables and disrupting the whole space.

8) Don't seat yourself when there are signs pasted that reads PLEASE WAIT TO BE SEATED or the like. 

Yes, this applies to you too.Unbeknownst to you there are folks who will go through the trouble of making a reservations and that very table is where they'll be sitting when they arrive. Besides you feel like even more of a jerk when you're asked to get up from said table.


9) It's a TERRIBLE idea to show up with 10 when you made reservations for 4. 

Yes, restaurants want you to bring your friends but you must call a head to make sure that your larger group can be accommodated. Do be surprised or put-off when the hostess tells you that the extras you brought cant join you at the same table.


10) Don't point out empty tables in the room to your hostess. This is so egregious it needs to be listed twice.

yoyowordup
yoyowordup

@The_Hostess - Don't compare a restaurant to a Doctor's office.  Takes away from the validity of your points.

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