5 Things Your Bartender Really Doesn't Want You to Do

Categories: Hooch

caseys_jennifer2.jpg
Adriane Goetz
She might look sweet now, but just wait till you break one of these rules.
Every bartender has myriad pet peeves stemming from hundreds of grating customer quirks discovered during every shift. Some of these quirks are only mildly annoying, but others are downright unforgivable. If you're the kind of person who orders an Adios MF on a Sunday night or flavored vodka outside of a specialty cocktail or a Red Headed Slut on your lunch break, here are five of the most heinous bar sins for you to avoid to make your trip to the bar more pleasant for both you and your bartender. That way you can still order whatever odd thing you want, but at least you won't look like a jerk doing it.

In other words, please don't:

See Also: Fernet Branca: Why Does Your Bartender Love It?

Snap, Clap, Wave, or Tap
Flash your cash wad all you want, d-bag -- a bartender can only go so fast when the bar is packed three deep with thirsty customers. Plus, if cash isn't the key in a tip-based profession, that definitely means waving at bartenders to get their attention, snapping at them, or tapping impatiently on the bar won't work either. If you want a good stiff drink and the strong possibility of quicker service on the next round, be polite, clear, and patient when you get to the bar, and for God's sake figure out what you want to drink by then.

CleverKoiCocktailsHoch1.JPG
Heather Hoch
So you decided to go somewhere new and mixology-minded? Well, then order accordingly.
Forget What Bar You Went To
Don't order complicated fancy drinks (three-plus ingredients) or shots of Fernet at dive bars (unless you're going to Shady's -- they can handle it). Don't order highballs at mixology bars. Don't order beer at a tequila bar. Don't order wine at a tiki bar. We all have our go-to drink choice, but going to a new bar means exposing yourself to a whole new set of possibilities. Why not trust that its specialty is likely the best option for you because that specialty is where the bar shines? You might just discover something new that you like. For instance, a Mai Tai when it's made the Trader Vic's way.

Order Top-Shelf Highballs
To clarify, this isn't condemning a Buffalo Trace and soda or a Hendrick's and tonic. Top-shelf highballs get obnoxious when a customer asks for a spirit recommendation -- say, a good bourbon -- and the bartender takes time to explain something like "we sell Copper City Bourbon, which is the first liquor legally distilled in the state since Prohibition and is a great smooth and vanilla-y bourbon." Then the customer orders your recommendation -- with Coke. So much for being able to taste your craft spirit. Stick to the well if you can't stay away from Coke.

Location Info

Map

Shady's

2701 E. Indian School Road, Phoenix, AZ

Category: Music


Sponsor Content

My Voice Nation Help
120 comments
Brad Wayne
Brad Wayne

daniel thornton, do you read before you say dumb shit?

Susan Matteo
Susan Matteo

Rules, shmules. Stop it! Stop talking!\U0001f627

Rodney Alling
Rodney Alling

Get a different job. End of your bitchy rant. Next

Rodney Alling
Rodney Alling

They could always get a different job and use that ASU communications degree for something other than trying to impress drunks. Or they can stop bitching. There's two solid options.

Brad Wayne
Brad Wayne

Paul Griffin, I also know barbacks do much of the heavy lifting

Serena Knierim
Serena Knierim

Deleting your own comments is a surefire way to lose credibility...

Brad Wayne
Brad Wayne

Paul Griffin, I somehow cracked the extremely well kept secret bartender brotherhood and heard the devastating plight that you endure.

Cindi Tucker
Cindi Tucker

U take that back Andrew Fernandez I am so not like that. Some Of us are pretty cool people.

Paul Griffin
Paul Griffin

So Brad.. Is it all those years of bartending that gives you so much knowledge of the dynamics behind the bar and how bartenders get to make their money???

Andrew Fernandez
Andrew Fernandez

I think almost everyone can agree, most bartenders are complete D-bags even bartenders would admit it. They think they are the cool kid working at the record store or high end bike shop. They want you to know they are the coolest guy in the room and you need to give them 5 bucks for a tip on a 3 dollar beer that you stood at the bar for 15 minutes as they walked past you 25 times and never looked at you once and the bar is empty. Oh sorry you were prepping for customers later in the evening? Go fuck yourself!

Brad Wayne
Brad Wayne

haha, fine. I don't know how I got so fired up, but I think bartenders are the last one who need to complain in life.

Jessica Dontwanna
Jessica Dontwanna

I order wine wherever I go. If they dont carry it, I order beer. I don't care if it's a dive or not, I order what I feel like drinking. I also tip when I'm leaving. I don't tip everytime I order, so stealing from me when I order another drink is bad business. As far as ice...when I'm in the mood for a whisky on the rocks, I ask for less ice to keep it from getting watered down too much. It has nothing to do with serving portions. Any bartender should know that.

Steve Palermo
Steve Palermo

I feel like there should be a customer pet peeve list. For starters, please don't act like I'm interrupting your day by asking for a drink. Especially when you have no more than 5 people at the bar.

Patrick Bohler
Patrick Bohler

No. The words "never comin back to this shithole" are more like it.

Megan Semple
Megan Semple

The first one is the best one! That used to drive me nuts!

Holiday St. Andre
Holiday St. Andre

I love that fb feels the need to notify me that "Brad commented on an article". In this case, I'm actually happy about it, because this is a ridiculous debate. Mixed drink = tip, opening a beer = no tip, because I just paid $5 for that beer. That being said, I think it is the tone of the article that is offensive, it comes off as pretentious and snobby. Hi Brad, how's it going?

Gary Ansel
Gary Ansel

As soon as I start caring about my bartender's opinion about me I'll read this.

Mike McAuley
Mike McAuley

I see the number "86" in your future for a stunt like that!

Angela Cox
Angela Cox

Lol I wave my money but because I am short

Mark Gutsem
Mark Gutsem

Wtf... when i worked at mcdonalds, you think i really wanted to do the things i had to do? No! But you know what? I did it! You know why? Because it was my fucking job!

Cameron Fricke
Cameron Fricke

You "customers" would never go over to a friend's house and act like complete jack ass so why is it ok to do it to a complete stranger? If the bartender is lacking in mixology, they shouldn't behind the bar. Intelligence tells me: "if it's busy, I may have to wait longer" P.S. the world doesn't revolve around you and there are plenty of "nice" customers who are thirsty as well. Sounds like if you hate service that much STAY YOU UNGRATEFUL ASS @ HOME!

Jen Atkins
Jen Atkins

Whoever wrote this is a snot. #2, "Don't order beer at a tequila bar." - I will actually order whatever I'd like, thank you. I'm paying for it. If I'm at a tequila bar, it's probably because I'm there with friends or co-workers and wasn't my choice. However, it doesn't mean I have to order tequila. Take your tip and smile about it. #5, "You'll always be last in line with the weakest drink if you didn't tip on the last round." - If you actually under-pour someone for not tipping you, you are stealing from them. That's right, STEALING. I would, as a former server/bartender, NEVER not tip. Ever. But for the people who don't tip, they are STILL paying you full price for the drink, and not giving them the full amount they ordered is stealing their money. The others, I agree with. People are douchebags, yes. It doesn't mean you have to be one of them, person who wrote this article. Appreciate the job, and know that you'll get bad seeds. Every job does. That's life. Stop whining.

Jimmy Green
Jimmy Green

Pay a cover for the privilege of being there. Pay high prices for poorly poured drinks. Pay more for the pretentious azz pouring the poorly poured drink. (IF you can get his attention) Blame customer because your crappy industry that you chose to be in gets away with antiquated pay structure. Also. Don't let anyone know that despite crappy pay and the occasional crappy customer, you take home hundreds of dollars a night in unreported (or under reported) cash... Sounds legit.

Lisa Carbajal
Lisa Carbajal

Another internet sh#t talker...behind the key board...lol....don't let this b u in the future....please stop....Bye Poindexter 👋👋 n no matter what u post I will not reply n play n your lil fantasy world ...✌😎

Michael Potts
Michael Potts

Exactly. But they keep wanting to drink and drink til their falling out drunk.

Daniel Gross
Daniel Gross

And also a life of liver cirrhosis and incarceration if your patrons drive drunk and kill someone

Lisa Carbajal
Lisa Carbajal

I don't go to bars...but I found this whole conversation interesting.......

Brad Wayne
Brad Wayne

It seems like many beers I get happen to be 3.50 or 4.50. The bartender gets a dollar plus the .50 change. That i a lot more than 10%.

Daniel Gross
Daniel Gross

They enable alcoholism. I'm not impressed

Terry Young
Terry Young

Your illusion with these Illusionist putting a twist on your matrix yes its the reincarnation shape shifting in you an everything from the past gonna be with us in the future in this present life your our gift clears An host stealing those souls rebound necromancer woke her up when you turn on in us yes its rude trying to act like them you haven't done nothing liars making the whole country look like him that's Hitler yes that's how fuck up should we say in stead steadily killing it call her the general of the dead with these fakes around us she's the element thrown in at birth with your code you put in out number you are clears an host acting like the gods her new fam the whole thing killing cause you you like testing don't know what it is shouldn't been acting here just now know stealing souls coming over here your dead its a hostile environment clears an host with us talking like your all of it yes you woke that up in us nice for you liking your clears an host for there souls playing we own didn't know it was going to be like this just know the truth ending your existence you know who fakes bitchs here with us she's coming its for you

Michael Potts
Michael Potts

Same list for customers. Dont be a dick and expect good service. And the woo hoo girls, shut the fuck up. Its not your song, you didnt write it or sing it. And know your limit. Being falling out drunk isnt cool.

Brad Wayne
Brad Wayne

So your saying that a bartender should get annoyed by having to make drinks that the bar offers? In any other area of work that is called doing your job. Obviously nobody should be treated rudely or without respect, but that goes for everyone in every industry. Don't act as though some bartenders are self-important egomaniacs whose entire personal identity revolves around their job title. How many times are you waiting for a drink and the bartender is having an extended convo with a group of patrons of the opposite sex?

Angela Salazar
Angela Salazar

There should be a list for the bartenders on how to be a better bartender for customers.

Will Tynor
Will Tynor

I feel like this article has been re-written over and over for many years across many publications

Serena Knierim
Serena Knierim

They should keep their annoyances to themselves? Why? Because it not only annoys them when these things are done, but it annoys the other customers as well. This article was written as a way to alleviate disgruntled barkeeps AND patrons. If they spoke the same language (as this article is trying to accommodate), things would go a lot smoother. I gather that's not your style, though...

Patrick Bohler
Patrick Bohler

"Don't forget that being nice is not mandatory for bartenders, as it is for servers, so they won't be nice if they don't feel like it. " Don't expect a tip if you happen to be in a mood of not being nice. If the last customer pissed you off, and you come over with a chip on your shoulder, you might be lucky to get 50 cents for that bottle of beer you brought.

Brad Wayne
Brad Wayne

Who cares if someone wants soda mixed with the bartenders recommendation of bourbon? If a bartender gets their panties in a bunch over such mundane requests, then they should look for another job. Maybe one where you don't sit around and yammer for 50% of their shift, or get hit on day after day.

Brad Wayne
Brad Wayne

Strange. Every bartender I know has made much more than three dollars an hour. I never said they shouldn't get a tip, fool. Of course they should, just as they should keep their pet peeves to themselves.

Now Trending

From the Vault

 

Loading...