5 Things Your Bartender Really Doesn't Want You to Do

Categories: Hooch

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Adriane Goetz
She might look sweet now, but just wait till you break one of these rules.
Every bartender has myriad pet peeves stemming from hundreds of grating customer quirks discovered during every shift. Some of these quirks are only mildly annoying, but others are downright unforgivable. If you're the kind of person who orders an Adios MF on a Sunday night or flavored vodka outside of a specialty cocktail or a Red Headed Slut on your lunch break, here are five of the most heinous bar sins for you to avoid to make your trip to the bar more pleasant for both you and your bartender. That way you can still order whatever odd thing you want, but at least you won't look like a jerk doing it.

In other words, please don't:

See Also: Fernet Branca: Why Does Your Bartender Love It?

Snap, Clap, Wave, or Tap
Flash your cash wad all you want, d-bag -- a bartender can only go so fast when the bar is packed three deep with thirsty customers. Plus, if cash isn't the key in a tip-based profession, that definitely means waving at bartenders to get their attention, snapping at them, or tapping impatiently on the bar won't work either. If you want a good stiff drink and the strong possibility of quicker service on the next round, be polite, clear, and patient when you get to the bar, and for God's sake figure out what you want to drink by then.

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Heather Hoch
So you decided to go somewhere new and mixology-minded? Well, then order accordingly.
Forget What Bar You Went To
Don't order complicated fancy drinks (three-plus ingredients) or shots of Fernet at dive bars (unless you're going to Shady's -- they can handle it). Don't order highballs at mixology bars. Don't order beer at a tequila bar. Don't order wine at a tiki bar. We all have our go-to drink choice, but going to a new bar means exposing yourself to a whole new set of possibilities. Why not trust that its specialty is likely the best option for you because that specialty is where the bar shines? You might just discover something new that you like. For instance, a Mai Tai when it's made the Trader Vic's way.

Order Top-Shelf Highballs
To clarify, this isn't condemning a Buffalo Trace and soda or a Hendrick's and tonic. Top-shelf highballs get obnoxious when a customer asks for a spirit recommendation -- say, a good bourbon -- and the bartender takes time to explain something like "we sell Copper City Bourbon, which is the first liquor legally distilled in the state since Prohibition and is a great smooth and vanilla-y bourbon." Then the customer orders your recommendation -- with Coke. So much for being able to taste your craft spirit. Stick to the well if you can't stay away from Coke.

Location Info

Map

Shady's

2701 E. Indian School Road, Phoenix, AZ

Category: Music


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68 comments
Paul Griffin
Paul Griffin

And just because you want a drink in a bigger glass DOESN'T mean you get more alcohol

Paul Griffin
Paul Griffin

Actually there is a lot of truth to this article

Kevin Apellidoprivado
Kevin Apellidoprivado

similar to the bullshit story about how to piss off your "barista" hahaha I just get the impression that PHXnewtimes is full of these sort of self-important service people. . . again; it is the job of these people to SERVE and typically it's what the customer demands that sells!

Brad Wayne
Brad Wayne

Hopefully one of them is give a fuck what they want me to do.

Melissa Backstrom
Melissa Backstrom

Yeah these are weak. A good bartender can handle this shit. People can be annoying but there is nothing worse than shitty service.

Anita Mahaffey
Anita Mahaffey

I thought someone complained the LAST time you posted this picture. Can't you choose an "anonymous" photo, from a different community? C'mon, Phoenix New Times, come up with some NEW stories.

Angie Bortin
Angie Bortin

Dear New Times, Please hire real people who know how to report on real stories. This is common sense. Dumbest trash you ever posted!!

David Newhouse
David Newhouse

I get the, "don't be rude" part, that's fairly obvious. Not ordering drinks the bartender doesn't want to make seems silly. If the place has a full bar, it's your job.

Alena Whitlock
Alena Whitlock

The worst is when they say " hook it up girl" and they haven't tipped me all night and they expect me take care of them ya right. Another one is "what can I get for 3 dollars?" Nothing because you don't have enough for a tip!! LOL but the most irritating one is definitely the easy ice, for some reason people don't understand that it means more juice or soda which weakens the drink!! Its the same amount of liquor no matter how much ice!!

Aileen Rose
Aileen Rose

Really?!?....who doesn't know not to reach behind the bar or anyone's work space? That is truly the most asinine idea.

Ashleigh Gaylord
Ashleigh Gaylord

Also...don't reach behind the bar to make your own when they walk away for a LONG time. I tried that once because I was tired of waiting and promptly got yelled at. When you want something done right...well you can't do it yourself at a bar.

John Cavanagh
John Cavanagh

This should just be titled "how not to be a douche bag, part 1" of a 200 part series...

Catherine Jones McClarin
Catherine Jones McClarin

Care to name the restaurant or bar owner who agrees that bartenders don't have to be nice? Since you speak of "many places", I'm sure you can provide at least one name.

Justin Heiple
Justin Heiple

I was a bartender for a little over a decade, some of what is in this article is true, some of it is really petty. I can pretty much break it down to one rule, don't be a disrespectful ASSHOLE. That's pretty much it.

Justin Heiple
Justin Heiple

Depends on where you work. Many places it is most defenitely true

Justin Heiple
Justin Heiple

Well you're just a ray of sunshine, aren't you ;)

Kenneth Baillargeon
Kenneth Baillargeon

Lol ill order my scotch and coke if I dammm well want to its my money and my taste I wasn't asking for rebuttal just a drink.

David Kitchen
David Kitchen

As a bartender this article ticks me off a bit. You pay for the cost of a drink and the profits go to the business. You tip for efficient and friendly service, period. If I give bad or slow service, I'm not upset if my tip is nothing/crappy. And the whole "bartenders aren't required to be nice like waiters are" Is absolutely nonsense! The sense of entitlement needs to go away, and soon! I'm not doing anyone a favor, I'm doing my JOB!

Paul Parry
Paul Parry

Shut the fuck up and make my drink or beer or what ever I want, then I'll pay you and if you give good service I'll tip you well. If not blow me .

jjkimerer
jjkimerer

I wish I can have this kind of attitude at my job without getting fired. Must be nice to be a bartender. How about you're going to get me whatever I ask if you want a tip?

Adam Rasmussen
Adam Rasmussen

Pretty shitty, pretentious, condescending article. If you are a bartender and these are "pet peeves" that are unforgivable, find a new profession.

apifny
apifny

As a professional in industry for almost 26 years, I agree with most, but $3/5 for a custom drink, please.  A buck per drink is great.   And most bartenders in restaurants are paid above minimum wage, from my experience. 

Catherine Jones McClarin
Catherine Jones McClarin

Bartenders don't have to be nice? Really? That's an interesting idea. I suspect the owners might disagree.

Felicia Salazar
Felicia Salazar

Yeah you're a fucking bartender, not a goddamn sommelier. Part of customer service is dealing with shit. If you don't like it, go show off how fucking cool you are somewhere else and get me a bartender that will get my fucking beer for me without acting like they are doing me a fucking favor.

Mike Winski
Mike Winski

bartenders cause there own problems...last night i asked my bartender for my tab and she said ok. then she went to cleaning the bar and helping others for 15 min and then forgot my tab

Mark Corby
Mark Corby

We here also take offense to paying customers being referred to as "d-bags", whether he/she is flashing the cash or not (trying to get the bartender's attention, stop yapping most likely). Why we drink at home mostly anyway. My Trish Keen makes the best drinks this side of anywhere any ways!

Scott Sandry
Scott Sandry

"Shitting on the floor" came in 6th if people were wondering.

Steve Payne
Steve Payne

kenny you're a douche so shut the hell up...

Steph Willis Schlinker
Steph Willis Schlinker

Can't tell you how many times I have been asked ifI want a Cosmo "up" or "on the rocks". It's a martini - on the rocks isn't an option. If the bartender doesn't know how to make what I order, I will "tell them how to do their job."

John Schlinker
John Schlinker

I don't believe this had much input from real bartenders

Rick Fowler
Rick Fowler

What, no mention of bar owners/managers learning how to adequately staff their business during busy times? Oh that's right, customer service is entirely needless in modern hot spots, is it? Gosh, if only it were possible to do what the businesses in this article do in my own home and avoid your establishment altogether...

Luki Pela
Luki Pela

This is a pretentious ass article for pretentious ass schmucks. I'll order good liquor whenever tf I want, so sorry if there is no such thing as top shelf chasers, so coke will do in a pinch!

sggrange
sggrange

One would like to think that this is a rule for life.....


But far too many break it far too often....

TacoDip
TacoDip

You do realize they make less than minimum wage right? I work in the industry (not as a bartender) and see how much bullshit they deal with. Beers are whatever, but I've seen so many groups come in, rack up $500 tabs, and give a zero tip when they were catering to them the entire night.


The same folks (you included) would likely bitch to the same extent if your bar afforded to pay bartenders $12-$13/hr and rack up the cost of the drinks. You are part of the problem. If you don't want to tip, get your shitty ass beer at a Circle K, go home, and watch your Honey Boo Boo marathon. You pay for service. If that service sucks, say something to the bartender or management.

fpalazzi
fpalazzi

These days, some people order Cosmos on the rocks, so yes, it is an option.

iviedm
iviedm

@TacoDip you're comment doesn't apply to anything she said...she said nothing about not tipping a bartender that gave good service. She said if you don't like giving good service to customers then get out of a customer service industry. 

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