The Rollie Extrudes Hot Dog-Shaped Eggs for People Who Suck at Cooking

Categories: Wake Up Call

Rollie.jpg
Screen Cap: TopTVStuff

Have you ever made eggs and said, "Wow, this is an incredibly difficult and time-consuming task. I do declare that my life would be vastly improved if I just drank all my vital nutrients and in a liquid form by a $30 device that cooks my eggs for me, is not a frying pan, and preferably extrude everything as a cylinder?" No? We haven't either but despite that, there is now the Rollie, which does all that -- and more!

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As near as we can tell, the Rollie is basically a non-stick frying pan tube. You turn it on, pour food in the top and wait until the food is done. The key difference appears to be that the Rollie prevents you from breaking egg yolks with your hamfisted cooking techniques and that the final product is distinctly sausage-like.

We will say, though, that it's pretty cool that the Rollie apparently uses cooking steam to slowly and majestically eject your food, like the introduction of Sting in the movie Dune. The Rollie already has been "reviewed" and it appears to function more or less like it's billed. However, we noticed this little tidbit from the review: "I used two eggs and cooked for seven and half minutes, or until I saw the egg rise out." That seems like an awful long time for two cylindrical fried eggs but we admit that we've never fried cylindrical eggs.

According to the review, the Rollie does more than just eggs, though. You can stuff omelet makings, bacon, pizza rolls and even straight-up ground beef into it. All appear to have cooked and been extruded properly, some of it even looks pretty appetizing. Except for the peanut butter strawberry pastry concoction -- the dough looks a little on the raw side.

We're also a little sad that the Rollie didn't go in for even more bells and whistles. Clearly, the Rollie should play some sort of music to let you know the food is ready and on the rise. May we suggest the theme to 2001? Is this not 2013? Should our Rollie not come Bluetooth- and Wi-Fi-enabled? Is it unreasonable to expect that the Rollie tweet when our food is ready? Does it really expect us to stand there and wait for food when the whole point of this device is that saves us the trouble of watching food cook?

Of course if you truly want to stock your kitchen with the complete compilation of questionably useful "labor saving" devices, you'll need to purchase the Rollie alongside the EZ-Cracker.

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2 comments
JohnQ.Public
JohnQ.Public

Screw that review, you must make your masters at the New Times buy you one and review it for us yourself.

Ando_Muneno
Ando_Muneno moderator

@JohnQ.Public I have but sadly it is not to be. I am also somewhat doubtful that they'll send us a review copy. 

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