Tania Katan's Christmas Miracle

Luster Kaboom

Ah, the holidays. Christmas is all about love, sharing, sweetness and light -- and keeping the antacids handy. In keeping with the spirit of the season, Chow Bella presents "Eating Christmas," in which some of our favorite writers nosh on the real lessons we learn this time of year. Today, Tania Katan's Christmas miracle.

Please join us Wednesday, December 12 at 7 p.m. at Crescent Ballroom, as we present Chow Bella's first-ever public reading, featuring several entries from the "Eating Christmas" series, read by the authors.

See also:
- A Saturday Night with Tania Katan
- Eating Christmas: Valley Writers Nosh on the Holidays

Being Chosen to be in covenant with God is not as glamorous as it sounds. Look, it wasn't my choice to be chosen, it was God's! And let me tell you a little something about being one of God's favorites; it sucks. It's like being your Boss's favorite or your Teacher's favorite; everyone hates you and you get more work/assignments/pogroms thrown at you because your Boss/Teacher/God doesn't want co-workers/fellow students/Christians to think that you're getting any special treatment.

So, it's Christmas day, for some a celebration, for others, a day when finding a decent cup of coffee and a sweet treat is nearly impossible. A Chosen friend of mine, with an equally compelling coffee habit told me about a place in Scottsdale that might be open. "Gelato Spot. And it has great espresso too. Shalom!"

The sign said,"G Spot OPEN!" Espresso, gelato and arousal all at the same time? This is my idea of a Christmas miracle. The man behind the counter looked like a young Ronald Reagan. Stiff hair; blue coruscate eyes and a simple smile. "Welcome to the Gelato Spot. What can I get for you?" he asked and meant it.

"I'll have a cappuccino and a small gingerbread gelato. Do you have a restroom? I'm going to stay for a bit and write."

"Yes, the restrooms are right over there."

As if little chunks of gingerbread scattered throughout creamy vanilla gelato weren't enough, my cappuccino tasted like it was shipped in from Italy! But there is nothing more arousing than a super clean café bathroom! Except for what I found in that bathroom.
Amidst the lotions and pomegranate pump-soaps I found an envelope. A sandy, 5x7 envelope. Totally unremarkable. I opened it. There was a 20-dollar bill, and another 20, and another, and another. A hundred dollars in wrinkly 20-dollar bills, smoothed out and carefully grouped together!

So, I did what anyone who has been Chosen by God to receive this cash would have done: I thought about all the things I could buy with it then I turned it in to Mr. Gelato Reagan. He thanked me and I left the G Spot feeling morally stimulated.

This wasn't the first time God challenged me on my path to righteousness. When I was 9 years old my twin brother and I were riding bikes through El Dorado Park, which would have been totally unremarkable except for the fact that on that day instead of looking up, I looked down. That's when I saw a one-dollar bill on the ground. Then another, and another, and another, and after six, one-dollar bills in a row, the money trail went cold. I grabbed the cash and told my brother to follow me to the Rec center. When I emerged from the Rec center with no money in my hands, he asked, "What happened?"

Location Info

Kalliope Stage at Crescent Ballroom

308 N. 2nd Ave., Phoenix, AZ

Category: Music

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