Please, Someone, Buy Eric Schaefer Jack in the Box Tacos for His New Year's Eve Birthday

Categories: Seasonal


And the third involved dinner with my wife in rural New York at a continental restaurant where we were the youngest customers by at least 40 years, the stereotypically French proprietor had relatives in Tubac, Arizona, and on the drive home we found ourselves lost at the set of Stuckeybowl from the since-canceled sitcom Ed. Bizarre.

But before you label me a miserable bastard, I'm vowing to have a better attitude this year. I'm going to take all that I hate about being a New Year's Eve baby and I'm going to celebrate it. I intend to be dressed head-to-toe in Made in China New Year's Eve Crap from Party City. A little tip: invest in confetti, because I'm buying all of it and it's going to be everywhere. I will drink every crappy glass of champagne that I'm served, hangover be damned.

Shit, I might even be okay with the fact that Carson Daly is clearly responsible for Dick Clark's premature demise. I'll watch the ball drop in Times Square with the knowledge that 2012 was in many ways the worst year and the best year of my life. I'm glad it's over, I'm excited about the future and I don't intend to look back.

As for the food, I haven't yet made any decisions. But as long as I'm surrounded by the ones that I love, I could be happy with a nice bottle of champagne and some 99-cent tacos from Jack in the Box. Hell, I'll even pay two bucks for them on New Year's Eve.

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