5 Anti-Earth Day Foods

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In celebration of Earth Day -- the American invention intended to inspire awareness and gratefulness for our natural environment -- many will be "eating green." You know, chowing down on seasonal, locally grown, organic fare and making a difference in this wretched world.

But for those who think Earth Day is political ideology wrapped up in pessimism with a penchant for making the human race feel like shit (also, crack-slapping Arbor Day out of existence. Seriously, what the hell happened to Arbor Day?), we're offering up some anti-Earth Day grub where the only thing that's natural about it, is..., well..., nothing.

5.) Chicken Nuggets (above): Pink goo-like substance goes in, chicken flavor comes out -- what, that's not natural?

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4.) Big Gulp: If you gotta gulp, go big, stupid big, with lots of high-fructrose corn syrup. Also, make sure you throw your cup out the car window afterward.

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3.) Hot Pockets: As comedian Jim Gaffigan says, "We have a sea bass which is broiled, and a hot pocket which is cooked in a microwave with a side of Pepto."

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2.) Squeeze Cheese: Bright orange cheese-like substance we can spray into our mouths AND on crackers? Let's see Mother Earth try that one.

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1.) Twinkies: Point one of these tube-like, golden sponge cakes with creamy filling upward, and you've got the middle finger to natural foods everywhere.

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7 comments
israeleisha
israeleisha

Damn-All not kosher for Passover!!!!!Will drive SUV to work and maybe circle a 7/11!I will also run and exhale a lot of CO2

Earthdayaz
Earthdayaz

Thank you for these fine examples of technology gone ape-shit.

BTW - if you really want to celebrate Earth Day (April 22nd), go to the below site and build your own solar oven - the food that comes out of these cookers is absolutely delicious and it's far easier to cook with than in a gas or electric stove (hint: food doesn't EVER burn so you don't have to be there to cook). It's like an oven that turns itself off. You put your meal for the evening in before leaving for work and when you come home, there it is all ready and warm for your consumption. Also, the pots and pans clean up easy cause of no baked on food. In addition, your food dollar is stretched because more nutrition is preserved in the foods cooked in it. They also don't heat your home with escaping heat from the cooking process. All in all, solar cookers are superior to gas or electric ovens - they save you time, money, energy, nutrition and taste.

In addition, a basic cooker can be made by you for less than $20.00 in about 1 hour using basis household items (cardbord, newspaper, plastic wrap and tin foil). Below is a website where you can view some FREE plans. There are many designs (and ones available pre-made) so look for the Cole/Kerr Box Cooker plans.

www.solarcooking.org

Frankly, Sherri Cole and Barbara Kerr should have received a Nobel Prize in technology for their fabulous low-tech solution to 1/8th of the worlds energy production (1/8 of the energy produced in the world is used for cooking).

If you think solar cooker's can't sear your meat - check out this youtube video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...

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