Top 10 Craft Beers for Pussies

Categories: Top Lists
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There will be none of that in here sir.

So you have found yourself on a date with that hot hipster chick from the office. Lucky you. She insists that the two of you stop by her favorite super-cool beer and wine bar because "Hipsters so don't hang out there." You know you have been tricked the second you walk into the joint and it's nothing but a sea of over-sized cropped lace tops, boat shoes and stupid hats. After a quick glance at the beer menu, you realize there is no Bud Light, Coors Light or any of the other usual suspects and you start to panic. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DRINK?!

Only the piss-water taste of Whatever Light has crossed your lips and you are extremely frightened of beers that are too skunky or perfume-y or have any other sort of flavor. No worries, we're here for ya. Memorize this list of "safe" craft beers and no one will ever know that you are a complete beer pussy and would kill for 64 oz of ice cold Bud Light right about now.

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10. True Blond Ale, Ska Brewing - This Colorado beer has a super hip, eye-catching label. Inside you will find a beer that is light, refreshing and clean without the slightest hint of hops.

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9. Stiegl Pils, Stienglbraverei - An extremely light German style Pilsner. You can definitely knock a few of these back because they are virtually flavorless, yet it's somehow a really good beer that even the snobbiest of beer snobs can appreciate.

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8. Kronenbourg 1664, Kronenbourg - Imported from France, this skunky lager will surely impress your hipster date just by knowing that this beer exists. It will complement her French cigarettes and romper quite well.

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7. Boddingtons Pub Ale, Boddingtons - The Pub Ale is reminds us of a yellow version of Guinness. Low alcohol and low flavor make this an easy beer for beginners. The can is impressive though, mostly due to the words "imported from Britain" across the top.

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62 comments
cgorrel1
cgorrel1

Putting any of these beers in your pussy would probably result in a serious yeast infection, I would not recommend anyone using them in the manner you suggest. 

Michael S. White
Michael S. White

 Beer used to be a man drink - now it's all fruity and pretentious... America is totally fucking wussified and the there is no hope -- All craft beer is for pussies.

essay proofreading service
essay proofreading service

  I admire what you have done here. I love the part where you say you are doing this to give back but I would assume by all the comments that is working for you as well. Do you have any more info on this? 

Neil
Neil

I don't know about Boddingtons as a representation of British beers

Vegan Warrior
Vegan Warrior

Four Peaks Sun Bru should have made the list. It is one step above water as far as craft beer is concerned, not that it is a bad beer, just really weak.

Dan
Dan

Enjoying me some Anchor Porter at the moment.

Bmarcopolop
Bmarcopolop

Any Harpoon UFO would do well around here (Boston). For a true hipster chick, though, drink Southern Star's Bombshell Blonde.

gergely1
gergely1

Nothing beats a good cold CANADIAN BEER or ALE.

billstewart2...
billstewart2...

Why on earth would you get a *bottled* beer at a bar? Bottled beers are for drinking at home or at parties, and I guess you've made some reasonable choices, but at a bar you should be drinking something they've got on tap, preferably from a local brewer. My usual's a Guinness, but that's sort of expected when you're playing in a jam session at an Irish bar, and I'd probably drink something a bit lighter weight in Phoenix in the summer.

strayling
strayling

Come to a pub in Manchester and say that about Boddington's I dare you.

BeerSnob
BeerSnob

Don't forget the lambics!

Guest
Guest

Too many errors here to mention them all. True Blond has 39 IBUs per the SKA web site which is a decent amount for this style. Stiegl Pils is full of European hops which provide a good flavor. Foret has a nice bite from the Belgian yeast, if all you get out of it is sweetness, then you may have issues with your tastebuds. Avant Gard has virtually no hops. It is a French/Belgian style and the aroma comes from the yeast, not hops. I could go on and on, but this looks like another case of an eneducated writer trying to be controversial and not having a clue what they are talking about. Would have thought you learned that lesson after your horrible article on beer week.

drink real beer
drink real beer

Stigel, Kronenbourg, Hoegaarden and Boddington's can hardly be called craft beer.

Me
Me

Fail

Brewmeister Smith
Brewmeister Smith

Fancy label + import = craft beer? FAIL.

Craft brewery: Produces LESS THAN 6 million barrels of beer per annum.

Kronenbourg Brewery produces 8 million. 1664 is NOT a craft brew. 1664 is the Budweiser of France.

Please learn what words mean before your next baseless blog post.

Fat Sean
Fat Sean

Are the "hipsters" making you mad with their non-mainstream fashion and food choices?

DVC
DVC

This is easily one of the stupidest articles (or blog posts, I suppose) that I've ever read about Craft(TM) Beer. It takes a certain kind of person to write this drivel -- congratulations!

Derp
Derp

Foret, It's a light farmhouse ale with just a of sweetness. A WHAT OF SWEETNESS? Learn to proofread

Nbro299
Nbro299

It's the other way around. Inbev owns AB

Guest
Guest

Boddington and Hoegaarden. Still considered 'craft beers' now that they are owned by Busch? I wouldnt buy them.

Rachel White
Rachel White

Hahaha love that you list Kronenbourg as some kind of rare specialist beer! You can buy it in almost every bar in the UK, definitely mainstream. As refreshing after the 6th pint as after the first though...

Buddyrtr
Buddyrtr

Hey, they're pussies - screw with them! Tell them to have a nice Bitburger Pils! (Abends Bit - Morgens Fit!)

specvic
specvic

This is just a reflection of the shitty distributors in our region. Preach on!

Shalissar
Shalissar

"...hot hipster chick from the office."What if I don't work at financial aid?

CC Pearce
CC Pearce

Why are all my favorite beers on here?

Koloughk
Koloughk

You know what's for pussies? Listening to what some bitch named Shannon has to say about beer. Stick a bud light in your twat.

TEB
TEB

A couple of these are pretty questionable: That Lost Abbey beer you listed has an ABV of 7 percent, which is totally awesome, if you want to get that pussy shitfaced.

And the Nimbus Brown? That's shite. But nothing compare to the shite-y pussiness of the that piss Blonde they make. Most of their other stuff? Pretty good ... if only they could figure out how to bottle it properly.

Jonathan
Jonathan

A good point, but almost too obvious. Besides, I like the lambics!

Thornside
Thornside

I came here to post the same thing. This list is bogus,

Nbro299
Nbro299

Its the other way around Inbev owns AB

Buzzard1022
Buzzard1022

Where is the confusion? Of course he's calling bud light drinkers pussies, they are!!!

Redbeard53
Redbeard53

Yes, yes thay are. Although, calling those beers "traditional" lagers is a huge stretch. Traditional lagers actually have flavor.

Velveeta
Velveeta

Yes, they absolutely are, and need to try drinking something with some flavor.

Armour22
Armour22

that's my daughter you are talking about.....

Shannon Armour
Shannon Armour

Oh and P.S. Kyle, nice to see your putting your B.A. in English Literature to good use.

Buzzard1022
Buzzard1022

Im sure the twat would have more flavor.

Jonfrandol
Jonfrandol

Dude, go get your dick stuck in a can of Keystone Light. Fucking pussy.

north
north

well what the hell is a dude supposed to drink ?

chrisab
chrisab

Real men drink Nogne 1000 IBU

Guest
Guest

Actually, Unibroue is the brand...the brewery is Sapporo, formerly Sleeman.

Berühmtweltweit
Berühmtweltweit

Unibroue is the brewery and La Fin du Monde is a beer brewed by them . As for what the hell is a dude supposed to drink what ever you want to drink at that moment all these beers for pussies lists are subjective and how does any thing produced by AB Inbev even qualify as "craft beer" they are the worlds largest beer brewing consortium, same as numbers:9,8 and 7(which is so gross). really people expand your horizons and drink beer you want to cause you like it not because it's a 'hip' brand or style!

Bro
Bro

yes!! 10000 percent. Trois Pistoles is their other godly achievement

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