Why Your Personal Trainer Hates You

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Photo courtesy of fitness360online.com

​It's a new year, which means it's time to make some resolutions. But before you consider finally getting your ass to the gym -- and your head out of the fridge -- you should know something: your personal trainer hates you.

And why shouldn't he/she? As cocktail waitresses, Starbucks baristas, pizza delivery guys and busboys will tell you, people are stupid and annoying. At the gym, they're also sweaty and whiny. I'd hate you, too.

But according to Heather and Jason, a pair of friends who work as trainers, there's much more to dislike about you than the fact that you're a fatass. Here are the behaviors that make them want to drop a 50-pound weight on your head.

You smell
Smelly armpits, funky breath, stinky crotch -- trainers have to deal with all of it. 

"I realize you're about to work out and stinking is inevitable, but wearing deodorant or a little body spray and maybe washing your gym clothes more than once a month never hurt anyone," Heather says. "I have a client, and I love her, but she has super bad breath. She's never lifted a weight in her life, so when I have her lift weights I have to get her to breathe deeply, with really deep exhales. When I'm standing over her, I want to vomit. I also had a 75-year-old who farted every time she squatted. Every single rep. I'd have to encourage her through sets while trying to keep from dying laughing."

You talk too much
You're here to work out, not to catch us up on the latest episode of Gossip Girl. You'd lose weight if you weren't such a chatty Cathy, so shut the hell up and exercise.

"I hate training couples because all they do is talk to each other and gossip about how their day was," Jason says. "As the trainer, you don't want to interrupt, but you wish they'd just shut up."

"I have this client who's five feet tall and was 224 pounds when we first met," says Heather. "In the two years I've had her, she's done nothing but gain weight. She hired me to talk and be her friend. I hate it because she puts so much money in and gets no results, but I don't want to work with someone who makes me look bad because she chats all the time."

You think you know more than us
As many Body By Jake infomercials as you've watched while eating Cheetos late night, you don't know more about exercise than we do. That's why we're paid to do this.

"I'm really bugged by men with zero background in human anatomy, physiology or biomechanics who think they know more about the human body than I do," Heather says. "A person with a degree in exercise science and certifications specific to training the human body just might know what the hell they are talking about. Just saying."

"I have clients who get all upset for correcting their form," Jason says. "'Oh, I've done this at the gym before.' Really? Is that why you look like a retarded monkey working those pulleys?"

You're a pussy
There are the "no pain, no gain" clients who think if they can still walk the day after a workout, they're doing it wrong. But then there are those who come in for a workout complaining about how they're way too sore from something we did a week ago. "The thing is, they're usually really weak and can't even do a pushup that would make them feel pain the next day," Heather says. "Don't be a pussy about it -- some soreness is okay!"

You have to be ready to sweat, too. "I have a client who's 61, and she never wanted to do anything too hard or strenuous," Heather says. "Halfway through the workout, she'd say, 'I'm perspiring!' That's kind of the point, hon."

According to Jason, this is the biggest problem with training girls. "All they do is laugh when it gets tough and they just stop the exercise. I learned I need to be mean and tell them to shut up and keep going.

You don't listen -- and you don't talk

If, say, your back feels less than amazing on a given day, it might be an important detail to share with us so we don't spend the entire day straining it and put you into a wheelchair. Love the mutes, clients who just don't talk. We're not psychic, and we can't figure out what's going on with your body if you don't tell us. Don't be a mute.

You fall for gimmicks
The products you see on TV won't do a damn thing for you. Do you honestly believe the girls in that commercial got their bodies by jacking off a Shake Weight five minutes a day?

"FUCKING SHAPEUPS," Heather says. "I had a client who bought those damn ShapeUps. She comes into the gym, extra big smile on her face. 'Do you see my shoes? Do you think these are awesome?' NO. Those need to be returned immediately."

You expect results yet won't do the work
News flash: you won't lose weight just by paying for a session. "I hate clients who bitch about not seeing results when they neglect to do anything on their own," Heather says. "They think the one or two sessions they see me in a week should help them take off that 15-20 pounds. I had a client who paid $1,600 to lose weight, and I went all out for her: I designed special workouts, I crafted a meal plan, I laid out all the percentages and told her exactly what she should do. She never worked out on her own, never turned in food log and didn't even attempt to do the meal plan. At the end of our sessions, she'd gained four percent mass and two percent body fat, didn't sign up for more sessions and blamed me. I can't help if you don't put in the work."

Jason agrees. "At my gym, trainers have to sell training and go up to random people in the gym to help them out. I was talking to this very overweight man whose odor could be picked up across the gym and helped him out for about an hour. He agreed with everything I said, but still bought no training or even a multivitamin. Gonna stay fat forever, my friend."

Bottom line: We personal trainers cannot help anyone who is not willing to help themselves. We are here to help you make LIFESTYLE changes by adding effective workout routines and nutrition plans. If you want instant gratification and quick results, don't hire a personal trainer. Get liposuction. 


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14 comments
johnranger24
johnranger24

I hate how these fucking gyms want to "shove" trainers down people's throats. I know how to work out. I know how to do what I need to do. I don't need a trainer shoved down my throat , throwing me off my shit.

Diana
Diana

It's the first time when I hear these things, but I agree with them. It's important to consider your  personal trainer as a best friend, because he can help you with your weight battle. This way you can work out a lot more effectively and have some great results.

Personal Trainer Directory
Personal Trainer Directory

Well, that didn't booty long. 3 canicule into the year afore you run out of abstract and go aback to the annoyed old 'hates you' well.

Marvel Physique Surpriseaz
Marvel Physique Surpriseaz

I absolutely hate this article. I do however see that to be the reality of things. As a trainer myself I have not once passed judgement on my clients. I'm not a salesman and I will never act like one to my clients. I'm there to genuinely help every one of them with their goals. If you can't get to your client to open up and discuss whats really holding them back, they don't trust you enough to open up to you. That just shows that you're in the wrong business. You may know fitness, but this is a people business. And if you can't dig down and motivate them to want to change then that's you who's failing them. This just shows that most trainers look at their time and see dollars flying away rather than focusing on what matters. Changing the lives of those who need the help.Surprise Personal Trainer,http://www.marvelphysique.com

EatMyPixels
EatMyPixels

Don't hire a personal trainer. Just kill yourself. You'll lose at least 23 grams that way.

I Hate Clients
I Hate Clients

The worst is the fat women who refuse to lift weights because they don't want to get all bulky with big muscles. They just want to "tone" up, so they will do 500 reps of 5lb curls.

If it were so quick and easy to get big muscles, you wouldn't see people in the gym all the time slaving away.

Central Scrutinizer
Central Scrutinizer

Well, that didn't take long. 3 days into the year before you run out of juice and go back to the tired old 'hates you' well.

Get a new shtick. Please.

John
John

While it made me laugh, I come on Chow Bella to read about food.........

MR NATURAL
MR NATURAL

only pussies listen to those meatrockets anyway. real men and women figure it out with the help of others called friends or learn by reading and learning. fuck those punks!.

Wayne Michael Reich
Wayne Michael Reich

Are you shocked, Central? (BTW, love the nod to Zappa)

NT simply doesn't care about it's readership's collective opinion.

No matter how many readers complain, Managing Editor Amy Silverman will just keep giving the green light to these asinine stories. She knows her job is safe as long as her hubby (in ad sales) keeps the advertisers shelling out cash.

Why this piece of literary flotsam was placed in the "Food" blogs is beyond me, but it's just S.O.P for this "Pennysaver with Porn", and since nobody actually reads the hard copy version of NT from cover to cover, why should the web version be any different?

If you need a car stereo, a lap dance, a hipster bar, or a massage with a "happy ending"- then NT is the free weekly paper for you. Well written and concise articles regarding PHX culture without any editorial snarkiness or regard for the readers intelligence?

Then, my friend, you are totally screwed.

Artist Peter Petrisko once wrote his opinion in the comments section of an attempted hatchet article on yours truly, and I feel it sums up NT nicely. Link is located at:

http://blogs.phoenixnewtimes.c...-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thanks for helping to prove one of Reich's basic blog theses correct - NT is typically reactive, versus proactive, in its coverage of culture.

Focusing on what the community wears and eats, with little to no mention of the art itself in such stories, is just a more subtle form of the "Downtown is Ovah" position of NT. Case in point: Susie Clare (JR 6/15 blog). Ok, she's a local artist, but we still don't know what KIND of art she does. All we know is she likes vintage dresses.

This sort of coverage (surface without much substance) not only marginalizes the cultural community, but is tantamount to "Hey, Nice Tits!" journalism. And I don't use that phrase in a gender-specific way, it speaks to journalistic attitude.

As for your conclusion, if popularity & readership is solely based on comments, then the 100 Creatives series has been a huge failure. But we know it's really based on views/hits, now don't we? So that conclusion was little more than a low blow red herring. Shame on you.

Much like Reich's blog, this blog also has two comments now - with one of them being from your music editor. Not that I'm complaining, cuz I do love Cizmar's strongly-worded "his delusions are protecting his fragile mental state" pot calling the kettle black opinion.

I do appreciate that you hyperlinked Reich's blogs. Hopefully, your readers will dig a little deeper since they aren't constrained by an editor -- and post some reactions here after reading what he has to say. I also appreciate the two and one-half NT writers who regularly go beyond cookie-cutter questions and actually write about what people DO and WHY. It's just a damn shame that seems to be the minority.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Says it all, I think.NT's new possible masthead: "New Times- we don't really care, so why should you?"

Don't eat that yellow snow, Central....

respectfully,Wayne Michael Reichhttp://www.waynemichaelreich.c...

MR TRAINER
MR TRAINER

I'm a trainer and I meet people all the time who have been listening to their friends and reading fitness/nutrition articles for years and after years of working out they still look and feel terrible. Most people at the gym have no idea what they're doing, you're probably one of them! You've probably worked out for years and are a pretty buff dude but 10 minutes with me and you're crying like a little bitch.

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