Top Chef D.C. Finale: The Boring Train Makes Its Final Stop in Yawnsville

Categories: TV Dinner

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​You can pull the fork out of our eyes now, Top Chef D.C. is finally over, and not even previous Top Chef winner Hung Huynh or chef David Chang (Treme everybody!) saying "fuck" and "balls" could save the finale on Wednesday night from being as boring as the entire season.

Ugh, where to begin...

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No, it hurts us more than it hurts you.
​Maybe we could go on about Angelo's crippling stomach pains and migraine headache (faker baby!) and subsequent antibiotics butt shot, which had a 3 percent chance of curing him (Whaaaat?). Or we could go on about Ed's turd cake, which he had helper and previous Top Chef insufferable hack Ilan Hall make, and then argued with the judges about. Or we could even go on about the collective gasp of the viewing audience as the judges announced Kevin as the "obvious" winner -- not because he deserved it, but because the TV hadn't blown up from becoming self-aware of its own boring-ness -- but what would be the point?

Oh, yeah, and then there's the food. Does anyone care? If so, here ya go:

Ed:
1st Course: Chilled summer corn velouté
2nd Course: bacon-wrapped slipper lobster & char-grilled cuttlefish
3rd Course: duo of duck: roasted breast & stuffed neck
4th Course: sticky toffee date cake

Kevin:
1st Course: Eggplant, Zucchini & Roasted Pepper Terrine
2nd Course: Pan-Seared Rouget with Cuttlefish "Noodles"
3rd Course: Roasted Duck with Duck Dumplings
4th Course: "Singapore Sling" with Coconut Panna Cotta

Angelo:
1st Course: Royale Mushrooms with Noodles, Pork Belly & Watermelon Tea
2nd Course: Asian-Style Bouillabaisse over Sautéed Rouget and Poached Cuttlefish
3rd Course: Duck & Foie Gras with Marshmallow & Tart Cherry Shooter
4th Course: "Thai Jewel" Shaved Ice & Coconut Milk

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Yeah, us too.
​In the end, Kevin won, Ed and Angelo lost, the judges got a free trip to Singapore, and the rest of us would have preferred watching something more exciting like boiling water, bobble-head dolls, or bobble-head dolls in boiling water.

Hours of our lives we'll never get back. Let the weeping begin.


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5 comments
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Jon
Jon

I cannot believe Kevin the whiny bitch actually won, its Hosea all over again :-( Definitely the weakest season so far and yet still the best reality cooking show on television by a long shot.

hailtothekingbaby
hailtothekingbaby

I thought that this season was DULLLLLLLLLLLLLL and DULLLLLLLLLER. Everyone seemed disinterested, from the contestents to the judges. The challenges were all retreads from season past and to be honest the show was just missing the "something special" previous seasons have had. This was the first season that I would fast forward to the quick fires, and then fast forward to the final challenge. I don't see Top Chef going past next season, it has flamed out. Was Padma extra queen bitch this season?

Fshdsfjhsjk
Fshdsfjhsjk

The show just won an Emmy. I doubt it will be cancelled by Bravo anytime soon.

Fshdsfjhsjk
Fshdsfjhsjk

I thought it was a decent finale, although I had Kevin pegged at 3rd place, with a toss-up between the other two for first and second. Guess it goes to show you don't know til you taste it.

I don't think the season was boring...TC is always great. But I never really got to know or like any of the contestants, so it's not as exciting when there's really no one you root for.

Malcolm
Malcolm

I don't get the point of your nattering. They are fucking chefs! What would you have liked to have seen? Fistfight, fisting? That's what's wrong with this country. Nitwits like you can't even watch television unless somebody is screwing or screwing somebody over. You should know boring. I bet you lay like you write. Terrible!

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