Why Your Starbucks Barista Hates You

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Please, don't spoil her day.
When Starbucks comes to mind, the avalanche of associations is unavoidable. But whether you adore the behemoth company or foam at the mouth in a crazy fit of wrath whenever you hear its name, well, no one actually cares as much as you think. So put your hand down: it's not your turn to talk.

Like cocktail waitresses, pizza delivery guys, and book buyers, God knows Starbucks baristas must also put up with deranged baboons every day.

Egon, an old friend of mine, currently works as a Starbucks barista. Like anyone else, he occasionally regards his work as an irritating drudge, where lines of proper social behavior are violated day by day. With a penchant for The Beatles and western philosophy, Egon finds no pleasure in the often stupid, depressing, and/or boring drivel slopping out of people's mouths. He just wants to get through the day as smoothly as possible, and get some rest before the next. Sound familiar?

Continuing the tradition started by Sarah Ventre, Jonathan McNamara, and Ashley Naftule, here are some reasons on Why Your Starbucks Barista Hates You.

As 'Egon' is not his real name, please try not to point any fingers. Read his spiel after the jump.

Egon describes the contents of his short-but-sweet list as, "More or less those things that reflect the seemingly contrived culture that Starbucks uses to justify high prices." While that may be the more nuanced way of looking at his commentary, much of it is pretty straightforward.

1.) Needless use of the lingo.

I'm paid barely enough to refer to a "medium" as a "grande." You have no fucking excuses to call that medium coffee a "grande bold."

2.) Using the order as a way to showcase the useless knowledge of coffee you have received from some other dumbass barista.

I don't want to hear about the "hints of cinnamon" you can detect in the Ethiopan blend.

3.) Rigidly upholding inevitable service distinctions. (It's not like we can say "no" to your inane requests.)

For example: ordering a latte and asking that it be made at 170 degrees. Or, sending back a caramel macchiato because it mixed together. The latte WILL cool and the macchiato WILL mix together. Deal with it.

4.) Suggesting "unique" drink concoctions to me.

Yes, I know that a vanilla bean frap with a little bit of Strawberry cream and a half pump of mocha tastes like a Neopolitan. I fucking work here. Your discovery is by no means anything new. And even if these mixtures weren't obvious, I still wouldn't want to hear your train of thought.

5.) Sharing information about the progress of your so-called "big project."

Sure, I'll smile, nod, and offer compliments, but that doesn't mean I'm any less convinced of the inevitable failure of your novel than your estranged spouse "Emma" is. Dear customer, she is your wife, so she can afford to be discouragingly honest with you. I, on the other hand, must make money; if I need to brown-nose, so be it.

6.) Quizzing me or offering comments about corporate performance.

I don't give a fuck about the press interview given by the CEO, and I don't know or want to know about any regional expansion plans. I am the equivalent of a bag boy. Memorizing the drink formulas is enough of a waste of my processing power.

So, next time you go to Starbucks, think of Egon: Don't be a schmuck. Get your drink and go on your merry way.

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38 comments
hdavis39
hdavis39

And this attitude is why in many instances the service sucks at Starbucks. I will tell the barista that my drink has spoiled milk in it and I am treated as if some how that is my fault. Learn, at the very least, sanitary habits. And to any barista that does not get tipped...really? I FUCKING PAY $5 for a cup of coffee. Are you kidding? And then you act like a jerk on top of it and you want me to tip you!? Clearly you will always be working a miniscule, minimum wage job because you want more than you are willing to offer by way of service. You get what you earn and I sure will give your sour ass milk back to you EVERY TIME!

StarbucksPrincess
StarbucksPrincess

... I'm a starbucks barista, and I don't think any of this. I love my job, I love all of my customers, I love hearing about their lives, their inputs. If they've heard of a unique drink, I'd love to hear of it, tell them of mine, and, if possible, make samples. I love when people compliment the company I work for, it is a great company. I am proud to be a starbucks barista and I cannot believe that someone with such a negative, demeaning, mean-spirited attitude would be able to get and keep this job. 

yourmom
yourmom

says the fat,over demanding, strung out medical assistant that never tips. 

lose the tude
lose the tude

I used to work as a flight attendant. I quit when I realized my bitchy attitude had become exactly like Egon's. Do the world a favor Egon... move on to something else if these tiny little peeves get your knickers in such a bunch. 

anj1111
anj1111

I loved Egon in Ghostbusters. 

JT
JT

 More like thank God you had the money and time to devote to medical school. Not everyone has the ability in life to accomplish their dreams. Also it is a bit easier to have a "chipper" attitude when you know your appreciatted or making a difference as opposed to when you work retail and everyone acts like an @ss.Sounds like you need to "grow the F up" and realize some people have to put up with different circumstances than you.

Kristin
Kristin

I don't WANT the tip that comes from your sexist oggling of my "tits." We are REQUIRED to ask how your day is going. How about you watch the barista training videos we are required to watch and then complain about ASKING YOU HOW YOUR DAY IS GOING. It's customers like you that we hate the most. Get the fuck out.

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man
Stay Puft Marshmallow Man

Paying $4 for a drink does not give you the right to be an asshole to kids trying to make an honest living for themselves.

Be self-aware of your own actions and don't be a douche bag.

KK
KK

Exactly!! I'm sick of people complaining about their jobs. It's what your SUPPOSED to do. And if you're going to pay $5 for a cup of coffee, it should be made how you want it. I would think complicated drinks would be interesting rather than a pain in the ass... something different from the usual. That's how it is in the restaurant business...

stfu manager
stfu manager

get over yourself.

you sound like you're a starbucks regular.

try working there and see if you can keep cool for as long as the people that work there do.

Greg
Greg

Way to come off as a pretentious douche

tommy
tommy

Egon i am 100 percent behind you

people are ridiculous and act as if we are robots, and you can treat us anyway you want, and because know one cares the are able to do it

and to all you unnessary customers , who i sometimes wish never walked into to begin with , how about you take the opprutinites to know us. At my store our regulars are what gets me through my days, the ones willing to learn that theres more to me then that freakin trife mocha frappuchino you get everyday. How about instead of walkin up to the register with the phone to your ear , you respond when i ask you how your days going ? thats a very simple start , but reguardless this will never happen, you act like because im an idiot and im paying 5 bucks for a drink im so much better then you . But heres your wake up call NO ONE CARES ! Think about that for just one second . Because i dont care if you can say a grande mocha with 5 pumps instead of 4, YEAH you know your pumps , your not impressing me with your 5 dollar drink i dont care at all actually. customers may want to realize that maybe were not the whole problem alot may have to do with you

dean
dean

im not going to say much to this

besides the fact that everything your saying we are FORCED to do, i can assure you, i dont care about the aroma from the coffee either. unnfortuantly you have no clue what goes on behind the counter at a starbucks.

and just so its known, we dont say "you mean a grande" for no reason. It gives us that joy and laughter to know that you are so much of an idiot that you can not say "GRANDE"

kyle
kyle

No one is asking for anyone to come in there bowing at our feet . but a little bit of respect is not to much to ask for . I understand that you are paying for you 5 dollar drink , but could you possibly consider the people making them . because you want your ridiculous caramel macchioto extra hot no foam with a half inch of caramel at the bottom of the cup, think about the people making that for you and because you feel like thats what we get paid for you are wrong im sorry . i get paid to make you a drink , i dont get paid to put up with your unnessary crap each day . I may be mistaken but i dont remember anyone mentioning that to me in my interview. and i know there is no way in heck your boyfriend never came home and told you how he had a rude inconsiderate customer that day, i know this because i get these customers about 20 times a day.So im going to need you to not act as if you know how it is until you've done it for a day. Because i can bet being a barista, is a whole heck of a lot worse, then your office job :)

lilly
lilly

NNOO he is one hundred thousand percent correct ! all of these things are how every barista feels , reguardless of being good in customer service or not . the job SUCKS

Calibarista
Calibarista

I am a Starbucks barista, I agree and disagree. I love my job but seriously, take the drink I make you. There is not enough difference between nonfat and 2%, get over it! and to the lady who said egon shouldn't work in customer service, you are wrong. how about some customers show respect to the person who is making your coffee. I would never, but have seen other baristas give decaf, bad milk or sour milk to their customers and watch out, im sure you wouldn't want diarrhea all day either after someone puts eye drops in your coffee because you were the RUDE BITCH! SO ALL YOU STARBUCKS LOVERS, BE NICE AND FRIENDLY WHEN WE MESS UP! WE ARE ALL PEOPLE AND MAKE MISTAKES TOO :) you're not any classier because you drink Starbucks! thank you

Success Nourishes Hope
Success Nourishes Hope

Wrong. People like you-who feel that it's perfectly okay to treat those serving you with utter disregard because "it's their job to deal with it"-are the problem. There are those of us who would love to find a job out of the service industry, but are unable to because we don't hold the necessary degree. Guess what? It's not because we aren't working our asses off to attain that degree, it's because we have to take these jobs to pay for the education that will get us out of the service industry-and away from waiting on pampered, entitled jerks. You aren't bitching because you have the sort of job you want-not the sort of job you have to take in order to get where you want. In addition, you probably make enough money not to bitch. We get paid a pittance in wages to hear people tell us how ungrateful we are for asking for a little bit of respect. Fact-I'm not in my current position because I want to be there. I'm in that position because I have to be. If I leave, my only options are more of the same. I work full time to pay for my college education, so your bullshit spiel on how I'm only there because I don't want to change my circumstances isn't cutting it.

Xevious22
Xevious22

I live near a university and college and my local starbucks is always populated with people either studying or doing work on laptops or have books and papers sprawled out over multiple tables. How is working in a busy coffee joint more suited than studying at home

irregularjoe
irregularjoe

Fucking retards. Not that I would ever be caught dead in a corporate chain coffee shop, but if I was I wouldn't put up with the kind of attitude that "egon" portrays.

Molly
Molly

Reading these comments is so irritating. You all bitch about the barista complaining like none of you have ever complained about your own job.

Slap5125
Slap5125

What do you classify as "right"? the way the first barista made it, or they way you like it? I know for a fact from working that there are specific lines to pour to and add to specifically so that drinks are always consistent no matter where you go. I suggest another location. If that doesn't work, it may be you. Maybe your first barista who made it, or the few who ever got it "right" did something different that you asked them to do.

Ana
Ana

sorry but thats your job.. we are paying for our drinks. if u dont like it Quit! Gosh!

Just_no
Just_no

@hdavis39 Most likely because Starbucks receives fresh milk deliveries every day and claims of "spoiled milk" are about as stupid as asking for a hot frappuccino. If you don't want to tip for the service you receive, make your coffee at home and you won't have to FUCKING PAY $5 for a cup of coffee. People like you need to just go somewhere.

theufoconspiracy
theufoconspiracy

@StarbucksPrincess You go young lady. What you have is a work ethic and enthusiasm unlike the whiny cry baby who wrote the above article.

He probably can't wait to take a break and stare at his cellphone like the many brainwashed, lazy millennials who don't want to get with it and work for a living until we figure out a way to get out of this recession.

I wonder if he's the same one I had to complain about for touching the rim of my cup with his hands as if I'd wanna sip my coffee after that.

Sleepyhollow
Sleepyhollow

The one thing I don't get is how the article makes fun of customers for trying to say grande and be fancy, but the comments make fun of customers who say medium. If that barista is going to say "OH YOU MEAN GRANDE" then you feel like a dumbass for saying medium. But in egon's case, you don't want to be pretentious and say grande. It's a lose/lose. And I'll take a fucking medium.

hdavis39
hdavis39

@kyle Find a new job. Seriously, people coming in and wanting their drink a certain way is not being a jerk. I go to Starbucks three times a day and get the same drink and everyone already knows what I want when I pull up. I am kind to them and patient even when they are serving me soured milk or screw up my drink that they have made a million times. My dear friend, your attitude is the problems, not the customers. Everyone deals with rude people when they have a job. Embrace the people who, however, make your job worth while. Be glad you even have a job.....

hdavis39
hdavis39

@lilly Go work at McDonalds then.

Walsh Michelle
Walsh Michelle

Actually, I am a Starbucks barista, and i love my job...

Just_no
Just_no

@Calibarista Yeahhhh I'm a barista and threatening to fuck up rude customers' drinks is beyond tacky. It's fine to decaf someone for being a shit. It's not fine to talk about it, nor is it fine to put eyedrops in someone's drink. What the hell is wrong with you? I hope to god you get caught and fired.

hdavis39
hdavis39

@Calibarista I would beat your ass! Trust me. Go ahead an fuck with people's drinks. If someone is being a bitch to you is is often times the reflection of what you give them. Hope you still work at Starbucks because if you do, you are going to be fired really soon. You know you cannot hide behind a fake name here, right?

guest
guest

 Some people can't afford the high rent near campus or dorm costs, so they choose to commute to school from cheaper-rent areas.  They can't afford the luxury of "going home" in between classes, because home may be an hour away.  So, they study at the coffee shop or the library.

rgm1
rgm1

Some people work/study better in a more social setting. Being at home can be cabin feverish when you have a huge project to complete. Being at a coffee shop can be energizing. Also, some people can't do the work at the office for various reasons. That's why. If home works for you, good for you. I always ordered something when I worked on something.

Just_no
Just_no

@Sleepyhollow Yeah, I'd actually prefer if someone orders a "grande bold" at 8 in the morning when we've got three coffees brewing plus decaf. I can't get behind sneering at customers knowing the lingo.

Just_no
Just_no

@hdavis39 Haha, beat their ass? Jump on a Starbucks barista, ever, and experience the joy of getting your ass whooped by 5 white girls under 25.

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