Top Five Foods for a Single Person's Kitchen
Welcome to the world of singlehood!
Whether you're an old pro at goin' it alone or if you're new to the single life, I've got a couple tips for you in regards to your kitchen.
Now, because I'm a chick, this list may seem geared towards the ladies. In other words, staying slim (more like, bordering on anorexia) is a huge factor here.
But I encourage men to read it, too. Following my advice may help you drop that extra weight you gained in your previous relationship. You know how you thought she'd love you no matter what you looked like? Well, she didn't and neither will the women at the bar.
Now, I'm also going to assume that you're the kind of single person who wants to eventually land a partner. This means you're out all the time and you don't necessarily prepare meals at home.
Although if you happen to be one of those single people who loves to cook at home FOR YOURSELF and you're addicted to your TiVo and you claim that sprawling out on your queen-sized bed is the best feeling in the world, this list won't help you. In fact, not much will. Keep that crap up and you will be single forever.
Ok, so caveats aside, these are a few foods that have a long shelf life, keep you thin and are useful in emergency hunger situations.
Now, you wouldn't be a bachelor if you didn't have cereal in the house. Just like when you were in grade school, cereal is now your best friend. It doesn't make much of a mess, it doesn't require any cooking and it's filling. What more could you want? Of course, spoiling milk can be an issue. Which is why it's coming in at a measly number five.
4. Frozen fruits and veggies
You must get some greens as a single person. In fact, most of what you eat should fall into this category. This is not a health suggestion, this is purely for vanity. Carbs, dairy and meat make you fat and therefore, less attractive (according to societal norms). So reprogram yourself now and make this the food group you run to when you want to indulge and over-eat. Which will happen often because no, they don't want to get back together with you and no, they won't be calling you after that first date and yes, they will tell all their friends you were bad in bed. Buckets and buckets of ice cream are not the answer. Save that for when you're in a relationship and you can "let yourself go".
3. One frozen pizza
Yes, just one. I don't care what brand or what kind of topping just make sure you only purchase one. Now, this pizza is for emergency use only. Do you hear me? Emergencies! Of course, by "emergency", I mean this should only be eaten when you and a pal have stumbled out of the cab and into your apartment after a loooong night of drinking and you are absolutely starving because you, naturally, skipped dinner to look hot in that slutty dress. So this is the only time you are allowed to eat pizza. Nothing cures a booze-y belly better than a greasy pie of carbs, grease and cheese. And, under these circumstances, you might get lucky and barf the thing up before the calories set in.