Brandon Huigens, What Are You Eating?

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Brandon Huigens

The singer for Male Pattern Radness, co-producer for the monthly Femocracy Comedy Variety Series and executive producer/contributor/resident cartoonist of Modest Proposal Magazine and www.mpempire.com performs Saturday, December 5 at The Celebrate Christmas Sweaters Comedy Music Extravaganza at Plazma.

What'd you eat for dinner last night? I had some crispy french fries and canned spaghetti. There was a sale at Fry's. Later, my wife and I had some Flip-It crackers with kalamata olive cheese spread that we bought at the Downtown Public Market. The real-life contrast between cheap swill and exquisite local fare didn't seem to be ridiculous. Highly recommend the cheese!

Favorite food: It's hard to go wrong with pizza and sandwiches, but my very, very favorite food is and always will be chips. Potato, corn, tortilla... you name it, I am into it. Except Bugels. Bugels are weak.

Least favorite food: Alfalfa sprouts, easy. I don't even honestly know if it was the sprouts, but I got incredibly sick on Sprouts Day in third grade. The smell, the taste - it all comes rushing back in nanoseconds, though it's been at least 20 years since my mouth and nose have even been in the same vicinity as a bean sprout. The only thing I can compare it to is getting lambasted on tequila and then swearing it off forever because just the mention of it starts a series of dramatic dry heaves.

Favorite dessert: I'm really into grape Otter Pops and super tiny slices of rich cheesecake.

Favorite local restaurant and meal to order there: There is nothing on Earth as satisfying as a Doughboy from Cheese 'N Stuff deli on Central and Camelback Roads. Turkey, bacon, avacado, lettuce, cheese and mayonnaise on warm sourdough slices. Have it with a side of macaroni salad and enjoy a smile from the nicest man ever to hawk a hoagie, owner Stan Zawatski. In business for over 60 years, my little brother actually had Cheese N' Stuff cater his wedding.

Favorite local bar and cocktail to order there: I don't drink anymore, but when I did, you couldn't tear me away from pitchers of Pabst at Bikini Lounge. If you're looking for something a little more enticing, head over to Carly's Bistro and take a look at their monster list of martinis. Just reading it is grounds to call a cab. Delicious!

Favorite thing to cook at home: My wife is incredible at cooking, while I am not even adept at microwaving White Castle sliders. They always come out like hockey pucks when I do 'em. I make a fine grilled cheese sandwich on our George Foreman grill, and I'm also decent at whipping together homemade macaroni and cheese. I know LOTS of great places to eat, though, so that's nice when the cash is available. I miss Katz Deli and their grilled pastrami and eggs.

Favorite memory involving food: Male Pattern Radness guitarist Ryan Lossing and I were working on a music video for a song called "Snack Thanksgiving," and we took four huge bags of Fry's tortilla chips to Encanto Park. We had our friends film us throwing hundreds of chips in the air and jumping around crazily. Then, we each had a bag of chips poured on our faces while the cameras rolled. Afterward, a bunch of us picked up the bigger chips that we didn't want to leave for the birds in the park. Somehow, instead of having thrown the chips away, the bags were reloaded with the chips that had been on the ground. I took said bags home, and discovered grass and dirt in the bottom of one of the bags as I was devouring the chips, not knowing these were the very same chips from the shoot. I had even been dipping the ground chips in cottage cheese.

Recipe or food tip to share: The only tip I have to share that wouldn't constitute me stealing one from my wife (or at least asking her for one) would be to buy Grape Nuts cereal, vanilla soy milk and grape jelly. Sprinkle the jelly over the cereal and milk, ravage it, and be amazed by how awesome it tastes. I learned it from my great-grandfather, and it always makes me feel like a kid when I eat it this way.

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