A Burger to Die For...Literally
As we pointed out earlier this week, Americans top the charts as the most "pleasingly plump" people around the globe. If you're not sure why, take a look at Aaron May's now infamous Sasquatch Burger, tucked between two grilled cheese sandwiches. Or get an eyeful of unbelievable food porn at thisiswhyyourefat.com. One local restaurant is glad Americans are so gluttonous -- since their business depends on it.
Pity we only got a double Bypass this time...
The rumors are true.
Waitresses in naughty nurse uniforms will put you in a hospital gown before you get started. The menu is simple, just four Bypass Burgers (Single, Double, Triple and Quadruple) and fries cooked in lard. The place has its own street-legal ambulance, probably to whisk you away if you have an actual heart attack while eating their 8,000 calorie Quadruple Bypass Burger.
If you eat the Quadruple Bypass, you get a free wheelchair ride to your car. Eat it in under 15 minutes and your likeness (in caricature form) goes up on the wall. Currently some dude from California holds the record at under 2 minutes.
We settled for a Double Bypass with a side of unlimited lard-cooked Flatliner Fries. Not bad for a burger. A little greasy, but if you grew up with parents or grandparents who cooked with lard, you'll eat it right up. And you can lose weight doing it, so says restaurant owner "Dr. Jon":
Uh-huh. Did we mention you get free food if you're over 350 pounds? Yup. There's a doctor's scale to see if you stack up. Of course, if by chance you only weigh in at, say, a measly 220 lbs., Heart Attack Grill offers a fabulous 1-year diet plan for $499 that allows you to eat there pretty much every day for a year. Then, maybe you can score free food next year.