Top Five Food Spreads in Cinema History
We've all experienced it: you're sitting in a dark movie theater and the seats, walls and sounds of other peoples' muffled farts melt away because you're so enraptured with the story. And, inevitably, as you're knee deep in this fictional film world, you'll experience some savory scenes of sumptuous food spreads that make your tongue swell, your nostrils flare and your belly yearn.
So it's only natural that this food blog would offer up a little countdown of the top five food spreads in cinema history.
Now, we're not talking about food moments (the slicing of garlic with a razor blade in Goodfellas, the kinky food fight in Fried Green Tomatoes, or ample food-making scenes in Julie & Julia, for example).
We're talking about the slow-pan of the camera across an incredible bounty of beautiful foods that ignite your deepest, darkest appetites.
For the sake of consistency, I'll give a synopsis of Jurassic Park. But, for the record, if you aren't already familiar with this film, I have no respect for you. It's a pop-culture must-have.
So the movie goes like this: a rich, old man hires a team of catalog fashion models to become scientists and bring dinosaurs back to life. A theme park is created, the old man invites dinosaur experts for a maiden tour, the park's security goes haywire and CGI dinosaurs start eating lawyers off toilet seats.
Remember the part when, after a couple dozen hours of running from fake dinosaurs through the fake jungle, those two annoying kids finally reach safety at the compound? Well, the filthy children stumble upon a catered banquet of every food imaginable. The audience sees a spread that offers all the deliciousness a movie food spread should. (Although I assert that if a poll was taken, the audience would have voted for that blonde girl to just go hungry as punishment for being so unbearable ["He left us! He left us!"] but that's beside the point.) The Jurassic Park food spread covers all the bases and that's why it's our #5.
Now, this is definitely a foodie's film. And a love-maker's film. And it's foreign so things get pretty nuts. Here's the premise: cute boy marries girl he doesn't love, he falls for his wife's little sister and they share their love through baby sister's amazing creations in the kitchen. And for one memorable meal, she uses rose petals to flavor quail meat.
As the household sits down to eat, the audience sees a food spread that is all about quality, not quantity. The camera slowly pans across a gorgeous table filled with the slightly charred quails surrounded by crimson rose petals. Everyone eats it, feels the passion and practically does a series of group kegels together (even the dry-crotched matriarch of the household starts to sweat). One of the female diners actually busts open the top of her dress and starts getting her manual rubbin's on...right at the table. Then a very sexy Hell breaks loose and the masturbating lady runs to the outhouse to take a sensual shower. A nearby soldier smells her vag from miles away and scoops her naked body up onto his horse for a very painful looking bone-down.
Talk about a spread.