Shelf Life: Have it your way at Dollar Tree?

Categories: Shelf Life

By Wynter Holden

So, apparently clogging your arteries with greasy fast food just isn't enough for Burger King. No longer satisfied with their meager billion-dollar business, they've scored some valuable real estate on supermarket shelves with Burger King Ketchup & Fries potato chips.

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I can appreciate the need for a good french fry every now and again. They're a truly decadent food: greasy, crunchy, hot and stuffed with so many preservatives that they'd likely survive a nuclear holocaust. (Well, at least the roaches would have something left to eat.) They're also addictively tasty, especially when dipped in a Burger King vanilla shake.

Why not make them into a ketchup-flavored chip? Because cold fries suck. Because while ketchup is a nice compliment to a hot dog, it doesn't go with Pringles. Because if I start seeing that creepy-ass King in my local Fry's, I'm ordering online and getting my groceries delivered.

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Before I completely disparage Burger King's attempt at sneaking into our pantries, I figured I should give the chips a try. They're not horrible. They have a crispy texture and a pungent scent and flavor that mimics the real thing, with less fat and cholesterol. But cold fries -- even healthier ones -- still suck. Besides, what can you pair cold fry chips with? Vanilla milkshake Pop Tarts? (Note: I actually tried this, and I wouldn't advise it unless your gag reflex needs testing.)

Lucky for me, it looks like other shoppers aren't ready to "have it their way" in the chip aisle either, since I last spotted the Ketchup & Fries chips en masse at my local Dollar Tree. Hopefully, Burger King will retreat from supermarkets after their failure. Because if not, what's next? Whopper-flavored burger patties, I suppose. Sigh.

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