Kook's Korner: Run, Peter Cottontail! (hic)
by Robrt L. Pela
Not only is there no rabbit in this Rabbit Omelet, but it tastes like shit, besides. There isn’t enough cheese, and there’s too much beer, which might not have mattered if I’d made it with something other than Old Milwaukee, which was the only beer I happened to have on hand (I prefer gin, but this is one of those annoying “no substitutions” recipes). I’m thinking that beer and eggs is never a good combination, in any case, although I once knew a girl who washed her hair in egg whites and rinsed it in beer. She always smelled funny; don’t try this at home.
The only thing more disturbing than the revolting recipes in “Conversation-Piece” Recipes by Ruth Vendley Neumann (for which I paid a whole two dollars at a used book sale) is the fact that its title is ironic. I hate when words or phrases are incorrectly placed between quotation marks, as has Neumann’s publisher with this book’s title. Are we meant to believe that these aren’t really conversation pieces? Because there’s certainly a lot to say about the disturbing cover photo of this book: the wilted flower arrangement; the bowl of cranberries and potatoes; the chafing dish filled with what looks like greasy turds. One can almost hear the chatter going on behind the camera.
More disturbing still is the author’s bossy tone in the recipe itself, in which she warns us against washing our pan (!) and tells us how to position our hands while making an omelet. It’s an omelet, lady. One with beer in it. Sheesh.
1/3 cup beer
½ teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon Tabasco
½ cup grated Cheddar cheese
3 tablespoons butter
Combine all ingredients except butter; beat with rotary beater until well blended; do not beat until frothy. Melt butter in pan; pan is hot enough when drop of water spatters in pan.
Action is important, as is position of hands. Left hand is placed on pan handle with palm down, moving pan in back-and-forth motion. Right hand holds fork and moves in circular motion. This motion is continued for about seven times. Omelet should be ready to be turned out. Then, reverse position of left hand, placing it on handle with palm upward. Tip pan and roll omelet out onto hot dish.
IMPORTANT: Do not wash pan, but wipe clean with paper towel.