Pat Benatar's "Heartbreaker" Updated for Sheriff Joe Arpaio by "dude"

See the new lyrics for this song by "dude" below -- after the jump, if you're in the abridged version.

Once in a long while, a commenter emerges from this blog who befuddles other blogilla gorillas, an anonymous wing-nutty tard who shakes things up with his (or her)masturbatory use of the blog comment format. A titan of unwashed geekatude. A fresh breath of cheap men's cologne. Probably Old Spice. Or more likely the knockoff brand they sell at Walgreens.

Such an hombre is the fellow we now know as "dude."  Dude takes the place of that crusty-but-loveable conservatard grouch "Todd Stallion," who was lost at sea several weeks ago when a squall hit his dinghy off the coast of South Africa, forcing him onto a deserted island, where he was subsequently eaten by his gay Rhodesian-born manservant Jeeves.

So now we have dude to take his place, play right-wing straw man and entertain us with his grotesque, racialist wit, born as it is of the brevity of the free computer time offered at a local community college. (Or at least I so surmise.) Indeed, I tip my plumed codpiece in his general direction for the following lyrics set to the tune of pop queen Pat Benatar's 1979 hit Heartbreaker, which he posted today to the "Sheriff Lawbreaker" blog item. I found them humorous, in a vaguely Hee-Haw-ish, Larry-the-Cable-Guy sort of way. 

Rabelais wrote that "Laughter is man's proper lot." And I can stand any man or woman (as in the case of Michael Savage or Ann Coulter), as long as that person has a sense of humor. Several lefties have suggested that I ban dude from Bastardia, but any sort of echo chamber is a boring one, be it liberal or no, people.

Anyway, enjoy dude's lyrics, and by all means, have at the obnoxious, lumpen clodhopper. I suspect he'll even enjoy the punishment. I know Stallion used to.

dude says:

Cue Pat Benatar:

Here's to you Joe!

"Your raids are like a tidal wave,
crashing over my homestead!
Drownin me in your warrants,
better left unsaid!

You're the right kind of lawman,
to release my inner homelessness
The invincible sheriff, and you know that you were born to be...

You're a Lawbreaker!
Dream shaker!
Weed taker!
Dont you mess around with me!

You're a Lawbreaker!
Dream quaker!
Pot taker!
Dont you mess around - no no no!

Your boys have set my house on fire,
burnin out of control...
You taught me the ways of conspire,
now its takin its toll!

You're the right kind of cowboy,
to release my inner bag lady!
The invincible sheriff, and you know that you were born to be...

You're a Lawbreaker!
Dream shaker!
Home breaker!
Dont you mess around with me!

You're a Lawbreaker!
Dream quaker!
Car taker!
Dont you mess around - no no no!

Youre the right kind of agent,
to release my inner hopelessness,
The invincible winner, and you know that you were born to be...

Youre a Lawbreaker!
Dream shaker!
Weed taker!
Dont you mess around with me!
Youre a Lawbreaker!
Dream quaker!
Pot taker!
Don't you mess around with me!

Youre a Lawbreaker!
Dream shaker!
Home breaker!
Dont you mess around with me!
Youre a Lawbreaker!
Dream shaker!
Car taker!
Lawbreaker!!!!!!"

Posted On: Tuesday, Jan. 13 2009 @ 4:19PM