Andrea Dworkin's ghost haunts the Maricopa County Republican Party.

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Female trouble: The flash-art GIF at maricopagop.org.

What do Andrea Dworkin and Republicans have in common?

You could say both are deader than doorknobs. Metaphysically, intellectually. Dworkin's been physically dead for a couple of years now. She died in 2005 at the age of 58 from heart failure. The Republicans? They haven't had a solid idea going for them since Ronald Reagan.

Oh, and there was a shared antipathy for pornography, unless it was their own pornography. Dworkin testified before the Meese Commission on porn in the '80s. She was part of the uber-radical feminist agenda that saw all men as rapists, and porn as a form of rape. Conservative Republicans have different reasons for hating porn, but in the '80s there was an alliance between extremist femi-Nazis like Dworkin and right-wingers over the issue of adult viewing material. This, to the detriment of a little thing called the First Amendment.

Why do I bring up an elephantine anti-porn icon and the Grand Old Party? Actually, the local Rs brought her up. Specifically, the Web site for the Maricopa County Republican Party. I happened to be checking it out, when I noticed Dworkin's homely puss on their site as part of an appeal for cash. The little piece of flash art features a roguettes gallery of lefty harridans. There's Hillary Clinton, Nancy Pelosi, Janet Reno, White House correspondent Helen Thomas, ketchup queen Teresa Heinz Kerry, Democratic pundit Susan Estrich, 9/11 conspiracy theorist Rosie O'Donnell, former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright, and Barbara Streisand. (What, no Gloria Steinem?) The images, as you can see, are less than flattering.

The caption reads, "Click the picture and donate to support our Conservative Republican Organization. Together we can send them all home."

Except for Dworkin, who's dead, and who had more influence under Republican regimes than Democratic ones. Also, the only two women here who hold a government post are Clinton and Pelosi. And Republicans only have themselves to blame for Pelosi being in charge. Helen Thomas? She's a freakin' journalist, for Chrissakes. Janet Reno's probably close to death. In any case, she's no threat. Teresa Kerry is less of a wuss than her husband, whose political career will never advance beyond the Senate.

Are they really afraid of Susan Estrich, Babs, or the mouth that roared, O'Donnell? If they are, they need a serious infusion of testosterone.

I'll be honest, I'm no big fan of most of these broads. Although, Pelosi ain't so bad in my book, except for the fact that she never seems to blink. Rosie O'Donnell's an idiot. Madeleine Albright's got stones, though. She seems like the kinda gal you could belt back Scotch with. Helen Thomas, too.

Sometimes it does seem as if the Dems lack something in the babe department. The Republicans have Ann Coulter, of course, who's hot in spite of that Sarah Jessica Parker horse-face of hers. They've also got woof-worthy wing-nut Michelle Malkin, and Debbie Schlussel, who's a total babe despite being ideologically vile.

But then, they also have to claim battle-ax Barbara Bush and Lynne Cheney. And, let's be honest, Laura Bush can be pretty effin' annoying in that Southern woman kinda way. A ball-buster with a velvet veneer.

We have a couple of hotties on the left-side of the fence. Michigan Governor Jennifer Granholm is hella-hot and hella-smart. I wish she was running for Prez instead of Hillary. Cali Congresswoman Loretta Sanchez is quite babe-ish, and gets big points for whipping B-1 Bob Dornan's ass. And locally we've got the lady the nativists love to hate, State House Rep. Kyrsten Sinema, who's as sexy as her name. Plus she's bisexual. Gotta love that, guys.

Andrea Dworkin, she was a nut-job, sure. But she was so far left, she basically curved around and fused with conservative moon-howlers. The right-wing elevated her status, and helped give her legitimacy, despite her borderline psychotic writings. Plus, if they just wanna rag on her because of her looks, have they peeped Tom DeLay or Rush Limbaugh lately? Those are some really ugly assholes.


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