SIGNS OF HOPE? Terry "Me Too" Goddard tries growing a set of nads with a huffy epistle to Candy Thomas.

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Goddard: His masculinity is a work in progress...

So yesterday, someone sends me a copy of this letter Attorney General Terry Goddard fired off to County Attorney Andrew Thomas mentioning the New Times case, and asking that Thomas recuse his office from the investigation and have it "transferred immediately to another investigative agency." In it, Goddard's all hot and bothered, saying the investigation was compromised because Dennis Wilenchik was working on it, and because Goddard beat Thomas in the general election for AG back in 2002.

Arpaio announced that he and Thomas were investigating Goddard's office months ago, supposedly for alleged bribery in this totally benign David Petersen deal. So why did it take from April to now for Goddard to get pissed that his former rival Thomas, the man he'll likely be running against in 2010 for Governor, is investigating him over a non-issue? Basically, it took Lacey and Larkin getting arrested for Goddard to try and grow a pair.

What I find particularly galling about this letter, which Goddard's office leaked to pet reporters over at the Arizona Republic and elsewhere (not this one, natch, as I've been critical of the AG, and so was not on the buttkiss list), is that I'd contacted Goddard spokesperson Andrea Esquer over the weekend for my cover story "Who's Sorry Now," trying to get a quote from the AG. As mentioned in the story, Goddard had contacted Lacey at one point to give him an attaboy. So I figured the guy could give me one quote decrying the arrests on the record. But Esquer got back to me on Monday to let me know Goddard was declining comment.

I didn't appreciate Goddard's cowardice, but it was to be expected. Goddard is easily the least courageous public servant in Arizona, perhaps the nation. He can't even stand up for himself when he needs to, much less stick his neck out for anyone else. He's a perfect example of why, though I'm a lifelong Democrat, AZ Dems disgust me a lot more than AZ Republicans. Republicans eat bloody red meat, howl at the moon, and fuck anything that moves. By comparison, Dems are the worst kind of tofu-noshin' weenies. Janet Napolitano is the biggest do-nothing Governor I've ever seen in my life. And Goddard, who wants to be Guv, stands for zip, as far as I can see. How can I respect such bald-faced poltroonery in the face of unbridled barbarism on the other side of the political fence?

To be fair, this is a problem the Dems have often faced. They want to be all touchy-feely, while the GOP is raping their women and goosestepping over their grandmothers' corpses. We need a return to the days of two-fisted liberalism, the liberalism of Clarence Darrow, FDR, the Kennedys, Tip O'Neil, and so on. This Goddardish wimpiness just won't do.

Still, I want to encourage Goddard in his attempt to become a man. I'd prescribe regular injections of testosterone, bourbon-drinking and becoming a fan of cage fighting. Then maybe next time I call him for a quote about Gestapo-like raids in Phoenix, he'll have the huevos to cough up a denunciation.

BTW, the County Attorney has said Wilenchik is no longer working any criminal matters, so that means he should be off this Goddard mess too. If we find out he's not, the press needs rip Thomas a new one. Wilenchik is still working civil cases for the C.A., racking up even more taxpayer moolah than the nearly $2 mil he's already banked. That needs to stop. Wilenchik's contract with the C.A. is a sweetheart deal someone needs to investigate. Now who could look into that to see if any laws have been broken. Hmmm, maybe the AG?

Read the full text of the AG's letter.


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