Coming soon to a loo near you: Chicks with sticks, courtesy of Terry Goddard and Michele de LaFreniere.

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Terry Goddard's new slogan: A tranny in every bog!

To cop a line from comedienne Margaret Cho: Ah, the magical smell of balls and pantyhose! You best get used to it ladies, if Attorney General Terry Goddard and local diversity activist Michele de LaFreniere have anything to do about it. Goddard's office is investigating a civil rights complaint by the transgendered he/she against Tom Anderson, owner of the Scottsdale club Anderson's Fifth Estate. Readers of my ink-stained cousin The Bird will recall that he first approached this topic back in December of '06 with the column "Tranny-Gate," which detailed the donnybrook between De LaFreniere and her peein'-standing-up pals, and Anderson and his aghast female patrons. Feathered Bastard followed up with three posts, "Tranny Echo," "Tards in Cyberspace," and "Tranny Love."

Although the AG's just in the preliminary stage of this thing, it doesn't surprise me that Goddard's more-politically-correct-than-thou office would take on this issue. Every time I start to like Goddard's office for standing up to Joe Arpaio or doing something else cool, they pull some tres-lefty bullshit like this, such as when they went after the Heart Attack Grill because the burger-palace supposedly demeaned RN's by using servers dressed in naughty nurse attire. Is Goddard's staff full of pinko legal academics with their brains frozen in mid-90s PC-dom? Ya gotta wonder...

Anderson says he turned away De LaFreniere and his/her tranny pals because of complaints from female clientele concerning the bog-activity of De LaFreniere, et al. I suspect if Miss D and her buds had been a bit more discreet, no one would have minded. But according to Anderson, they made a big production out of their presence in the chicks' shitter, peeing standing up, etc. Music editor Niki D'Andrea and I tried to pin De LaFreniere down on whether or not she still had her meat 'n' veg, but she was full of non-denial denials. I mean, as far as I'm concerned, if your tallywacker's been whacked, use the babes' bathroom all you want. But if you're still with schlong, and you wear a dress to a straight, middle-of-the-road club, then basically you've concocted a problem for yourself to which there's no simple solution.

There are clubs in town that cater to trannies, and many gay clubs and some straight clubs even go unisex on their toilets, which is also common in Europe. Thing is, what if you're dealing with a fairly mainstream spot like Anderson's, is it fair to the female clientele to allow dudes dressed like ladies to do their bidness in the women's W.C.?

Remember, now that the AG's office is involved, if they sue on behalf of the state because of De LaFreniere's complaint, whatever goes for Anderson's will also, if upheld in court, ultimately be applied to other clubs and restaurants. And if the state is going to require the private sector to act in a certain way, we can presume that public entities will also have to go unisex, or be required to have a separate bathroom for the "third sex," much in the same way all buildings must have handicapped access these days.

I'll be honest, the more I write about this, the less I care, though there is a legitimate concern about sexual predators dressing up like women to gain entree to the women's banos. I know De LaFreniere wants to be the transgendered Rosa Parks, but I think it's better if individual club owners are allowed to decide what their patrons want in this regard, rather than have the government get involved and enforce some absurd solution.

What if Anderson allows De LaFrienere's posse back into the club with the proviso that they keep it on the down-low in the lavatory? Too late for that now. De LaFreniere is after "justice" for her oppressed minority. It's obvious she wants to set a precedent, and she's reveling in the attention. You know Oprah's people will be calling, if they haven't already. Why, it's the wave of the future, folks. Anyone remember South Park episode #901, "Mr. Garrison's Fancy New Vagina," where a plastic surgeon turns Kyle into a black basketball player and Kyle's pop into a dolphin? YouTube has a clip of it here.



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