The horror of mandals (man sandals): The New Times Friday poll.

Be afraid, be very afraid: Mandal season is upon us.

You know it's Spring in the Zona when they appear -- the dreaded mandals, or man sandals, which signal the advent of warmer weather. I regard it as being on par with such Biblical plagues as locusts, frogs, water turned into blood, yadda-yadda-yadda. There is nothing more horrific, or more grotesque, than being forced to share space with doods who lack the self-awareness to realize that no one wants to see their naked, hairy hobbit-toes. On the whole, chicks have good-lookin' tootsies. So their fondness for open-toed or otherwise revealing footwear is understandable. But guys have ungainly man-hooves, even when they keep 'em neat and clean. Gay males do this the best, but I have no desire to see their dogs unleashed either.

So this Friday's New Times poll is: "Should mandals (man sandals) be banned -- especially the open-toed variety, why or why not?" What follows are the sometimes surprising opinions of the editorial staff. If they made me God-King of this country tomorrow, I would have all het males wearing mandals shot on sight by our various law-enforcement agencies. Or at least severely caned. When, oh when, will this shameful hideousness end?

10) I've never gone out with a guy who had ugly feet! There are plenty of fine-looking male tootsies out there. Just scout out ASU on a day like today, and you'll see plenty of foxy 20-something guys in flip flops...

9) I'm a dapper dude, and I heart mandals! Sometimes I will even bathe my toenails in baby blue or exotic orange polish -- colors that, respectively, help me get in touch with my feminine and creative sides -- and allow my feet to breathe freely while rocking the toe spreaders. And I am a totally straight stallion in the prime of my youth.

8) OK, this direct from our kitchen. I was just about to write, "Well, it really is all about the KIND of sandal," when (my husband) walked in and I read him your email and He said, "Oh, yeah, I have some of those. But it's ok, because they're from REI. (pause) Right?" I will say no more, as an act of marriage preservation.

7) Do you really mean exclusively literally open-toed? BTW, I have some brand new stylin' men's black dress sandals (almost completely enclosed, Brazilian leather) that I bought for myself before I got my brace. They're an 8 1/2 D, if you know anyone who'd like them. Anyhow, I have an essay on this one. . .

It's really more about the man's vibe than a particular shoe in the abstract. I get a nice Latin/hippie/Biblical vibe from some types of mandal, the huarache or Birkenstock type. And although they expose feet to dirt, if they also expose them to air and help avoid the dreaded cheesefoot, I'm in favor. But then, I don't mind feet in general, to look at. I'm kind of foot-positive. And I don't mind the compromise of sandals with appropriate socks, either -- it's cute, clean, AND ventilated. However, when mandals are trying to be sophisticated and fashionable, no matter what the feet look like, it is to laugh.

6) A man can definitely wear mandals if he thinks they are comfortable, and a man shouldn't give a shit what anybody thinks of his gnarly toes as long as the mandals themselves don't look gay. Better mandals than Crocs, which I DO think should be outlawed for straight men.

5) I'm more disturbed by men who wear shorts, actually. Toes aren't that bad -- what's disgusting is a pair of skinny white legs with tufty hair. Keep the mandals; scrap the man shorts!

4) Mandalas? I can't stand them! Those frickin' Buddhists with their yellow robes and their colored sand. Just who do they think they are? Then they let the wind blow it all away. What assholes! What? Oh, you mean, "man sandals"? Uh, never mind.

3) If they were good enough for the Roman soldier, they're good enough for me.

2) I like to wear mandals in the summer, though I know my toenails are kinda crusty and yellow. I don't wear them to work, though. And I'd never wear sandals w/socks.


...and the Number One answer to this week's mandal-hatin' Friday poll is,

1) Mandals should MOST CERTAINLY be banned. They make me sick, sick, sick. It's not just the gross toes, they also just look fucking terrible, especially because they are most often worn with some form of jean or cargo short. Yuck. The other night a man in Tevas tried hitting on me at the bar, and I have to say, because of the shoes, I wouldn't even take the free drink. Seriously. Even worse -- mandals worn with socks. What's the point? Your feet are still going to get hot and you look like an (even bigger) douchebag.


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15 comments
antlet86
antlet86

I like the sandal in the photo though I would prefer them in leather sole. The only people who would take in consideration this genius advice would either be other who already hate sandals and wouldn't ever wear them and this, well, would be their problem, no one is forcing them to wear sandals, unlike them life ruling freaks who would want to make their tastes a matter of public decence. If someone have problem with feet, or feel confused about men feet because they prefer female feet as it's normal, this can't warrant them a pass, because then men shouldn't even wear long hair because of those who would prefer seeing long woman hair. It's their problem.

They could answer me that we are in a society and we don't dress exactly for ourselves but according to other people tastes. Well, as a straight man, I don't car much for the advice of another man, unless he's just gently expressing a tip or an opinion. Fashion is not made of absolutes.

Some women, but less of them than men, surprisingly (the only people who should care that much) also don't like men feet much, well anyway if that's their criteria for first impression of for guy choice, I still don't care much.

About shorts, it's linked to sandals in this way, as you mostly see sandals paired with shorts.

When it gets warm, one wants to wear shorts, some stylish ones, which tend to look a bit stupid with socks, which shoes you can wear with no socks? Loafers, but no shoe is a sure fire options, that's why people wear shorts and sandals.

BigGuy
BigGuy

us REAL MEN wear what we want. WE do not follow fashion trends or DOUCHEBAG writers who want to tell us what or what not to wear.

Big Guy
Big Guy

The "writer"  is a DOUCHEBAG.   Seriously ...

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Derlierprossy

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Beercourt
Beercourt

Men - REALmen - don't wear flip-flops except in the shower or at the pool.BTW, Roman Soldiers wore shoes.

Thomas
Thomas

Why ban men's sandals?  Yeah, they are not appropriate for the office, but seriously, I value my comfort and wearing sandals or going barefoot is part of who I am.  I am a professional, working in a professioanl environment, but at home, shopping, or movies; whatever, I WILL wear my sandals.  Seriously, if you don't like it, then don't look.  I do take care of my feet.  I don't have 6 inch thick callouses oryellow/orange toenails either.  It's just me. 

ohjustshutthefup
ohjustshutthefup

This article was written by a 'Man'?  Check your gender next time you are in the bathroom.  This post is a waste of internet real estate.  I'll wear whatever I god damn well please you flaming fashionista.

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I think that if the guy has nice feet and not too hairy then there's no reason to keep his feet enclosed in shoes.

Guest
Guest

"real" men dont give a fuck what other men wear on their feet, douche.

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