McCain Pain, The Friday Poll: Could John McCain be Prez?

The Manchurian Candidate? Do you really want this wacko's finger on the button?

Now that Arizona Senator John McCain has announced his candidacy for Prez on David Letterman, the question remains, does the dood have a popsicle's chance in Hades of ever occupying the Oval Office? Personally, I don't think so. A lot of conservatives can't stand him, despite his recent attempts to lick Bible belt butthole. I don't see liberals voting for him, natch. So who's going to cast a ballot for this dood? Retired military personnel? Vietnam vets? Geriatrics who dig the fact he's as old as Methuselah? I don't get it. He even flubbed his appearance on Letterman by speaking of U.S. lives being "wasted" in Iraq -- an odd statement coming from someone who's been a big supporter of the war.

He's also too short, and he's got a comb-over. Plus a puss only a mother could love. But enough about what I think. Let's got to the top ten answers from the New Times editorial staff. And by all means, tell us if you'd vote for the cat, and if you think he can get past the GOP primaries, much less the general election in 2008.

10) If my vote means anything, he doesn't stand a chance. I'd never consider someone who's anti-choice.

9) No. He's starting to get one of those comb-overs, and Mitt Romney's got that real presidential-style hair.

8) I think he does have a chance, scarily enough, if it's him against Obama or Hillary. He'll be the white male, which will probably give him an edge. And either of those Dems will lose a good number of Democrat votes for various reason, including bigotry. On the other hand, even Republicans who don't like McCain are unlikely to vote for Hillary or Obama.

7) Yes, because look at what we tend to wind up with.

6) Are you fucking kidding me? McCain is the best man in the race, and if he doesn't win I fear for the future of this republic. I don't always agree with him, but you have to admit he doesn't just repeat what his constituency already believes or (worse) try to triangulate. He's the alpha male -- don't they always win? If not, what kind of moron country are we living in?

5) Chance in hell? Of course he does; all the rednecks in America will support him. He'll be the darling of the red states with the way he's been blowing the religious right and other nut-ball conservatives.

4) Yes, because a lot of middle aged American women want to do him.

3) Yes, he's white enough.

2) Nope. No chance. He had a shot in 2000, but it didn't happen -- and now it never will. John McCain's schtick only works when he's able to sell himself as the outsider, and he's no longer the outsider. Now he's on the inside, he's got a busload of consultants instead of a Straight Talk Express, AND he's trying to sell the war. He might well be right, strictly as a matter of public policy, but the American people won't buy it. Plus the guy is so freaking old, when you compound his age with those years in a Vietnamese prison camp. I'm not even interested in him anymore, and that's saying a lot.

and the Number One answer to the does-McCain-have-a-chance-in-hell-of-being-Prez question is,

1) Yes, because he's the Manchurian candidate. And those commie VC bastards in control of Johnny-boy only re-program the POW's they know will win the White House someday.


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