Top Katt Crazy

Katt Sandwich: from left, the booful Lena Smith, Katt "Money Mike" Williams, and the stunning Vivian Ware of UrbanAz.com.
So Luenell, how is Borat in the sack?
The Black Sinatra: Wanna hear a few bars of "Sweet Child O' Mine"?

If Jesse Jackson had been on hand for Katt Williams' show last night at the Celebrity Theatre, the Reverend's ears would've been redder than Elmo's ass. I caught the second UrbanAZ-sponsored show, both of which were SOLD OUT, as would've been evident to anyone trying to get off the 202 at 32nd Street last night, and let's just say the Big Katt was in rare form, talking shit about DMX, Shaq, and Kobe Bryant, as well as using the N-word so many times he may have established a Guinness Book World Record.

In short, Katt laid down a ghetto tour de force, with 'hood-centric bon mots for any and all subjects and situations. When one gal shouted from the audience, "I love you, Katt," Williams responded without pause, "Everybody who loves me sucks my dick." There was also his eulogy for crocodile hunter Steve Irwin: "That's why I like white people, because they fuck with wild animals." His advice to the Suns on Stoudemire: "You need to pack that nigga in Styrofoam." Or how Michael "Kramer" Richards was "gangsta" for saying the N-word in front of blacks, because "Now he's got to watch out for all niggas" coming for his ass. There was social commentary as well, from the war in Iraq to riffs on parents being late picking up their kids. Williams was often funniest when he was imitating a kid petulantly waitin' for Mom and Dad on the school monkeybars, or a man mad at his wife, only to be placated by a blowjob.

Played on stage and off with Rick Ross' hip-hop anthem Hustlin', wearing a big fur coat at first, then stripping down to a black tux which must've been covered in sweat after Katt's nonstop stage antics, this comedic panther stalked the stage with all the muscularity of a gymnast, at one point confronting hecklers and haters by challenging them to join him onstage. They declined, of course, a wise move on their part, because there otherwise might've been a reprise of the Money Mike bathroom scene from Friday After Next. Towards the end of the performance, just past 2 a.m., Katt dove into the audience to partake of some cheba action from a fan, who was then about to be removed by security for having the weed in the first place. Katt responded to all this by pulling out a stack of wrapped bills that'd choke Yao Ming and handing it over to the toker before amscraying.

Beforehand, I got to kick it in Katt's dressing room, joshing with his small familial, entourage, which included his assistant/companion Lena Smith, a looker with cocoa brown skin and tats who joked around with Katt as if they'd known each other in the womb. Also in attendance was Borat star Luenell, who's probably the raunchiest woman I've ever met in my life. She sauntered in during intermission after opening for Katt, took her seat, and discussed various methods of dick sucking and clit-rubbing at length. At one point, one of Katt's people, an older gent, made an obscene gesture with his arm, to which Luenell replied, "You better fuck me or shut up." Rubenesque she might be, but her mouth's so filthy it's a turn on. I might have to go there, if offered the same deal as the older cat.

While having his hair wetted down by Lena, Katt serenaded me with Guns N' Roses and Pearl Jam songs, ate cookies, and discussed his admiration for Frank Sinatra, and how Sinatra didn't like posed photos of himself, preferring spontaneous images. He seemed truly humbled by his recent, tsunami-like success, recalling the days not so long ago when he barely had enough to eat. We even talked politics, Hillary vs. Obama, with Katt thinking Hillary might get the nod from Dems and me, Obama.

Asked about being on Howard Stern recently, he said, "I'm very rarely in awe of people, but for some reason he has that aura. He's so quick and vicious sometimes. The whole time you're never comfortable. It's like being around somebody else's dog. Even if you like dogs, you're still watching them."

I first met Katt a couple of years back at Power jock JX3's b-day party, and when I reminded him of this, he said, "Do I look any taller now?" He then assured me with a smile that "I'm much bigger" these days. No doubt about that. King Katt's blown up. He's got that star shit going on now, for real.


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